#i have another post coming up. already scheduled and stuff thats more fun.

[answermywearyquery]

Weeping Tears of Blood

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Pete/Vegas Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Ep14, Angst, Violence, Feelings, Pete-centric, Character Study, (of sorts), Pain, Pete's Messy Inner Life, Pete's Complicated Feelings about Vegas Pre-Pool, One (1) Chess Metaphore, because I couldn't help myself, Love and Violence and the VegasPete Tradition of Blending the Two

Summary:

Pete didn't need to be a genius to know why he was feeling like shit for days, why there was this gaping hollowness taking up residence somewhere between his lungs and his heart. He didn't know how to deal with it, but he knew the cause of it. He knew it was all Vegas' doing.

(Or: The episode 14 confrontation in the parking lot from Pete’s POV.)

✨Read on AO3✨

happy vegaspete day!

[life-with-geo]

January 8th

Hi, I’m back (almost started with hi guys, then remembered I have no followers lmao). It's been a week since I posted last, and I think I'm going to start posting every Sunday at 9:30 PM, essentially right before I go to bed. To be honest I don't know how long I’m going to be able to keep that schedule up, I might be taking on too much, but hey, we shall see, things change all the time. 

In the week thats passed, not too much has happened. School started back up on the second, unfortunately, and I’m already drained. Ever since my visit to the hospital, everything is so much more draining than before. I hope eventually I’m able to pick myself back up from this burnout, but apparently, the time it takes to recover from burnout is about 3-5 years. I don't have 3-5 years to heal from all this lol. 

We had a project due the day after we came back to my AP Lit class, our personal portfolio. I had a lot of fun writing it over the semester, but I also hated it. It took me through a lot of emotions and lore related to my past. I talked about my mom, my most recent failed relationship, and my failed friendships, all of which made me sad. I also talked about my grandma though, and my wonderful stepmom, so I think overall it kinda works out in a way. I think the worst part was putting the pictures into the binder. Pictures of my biological mom (you'll hear about her eventually) as well as pictures of my grandma. I may have been a little petty and attacked my ex in the portfolio, which is funny considering hes in that class and everyone can read them. I wonder if he will approach me about it, I doubt it, he's kind of a coward. 

On a much more positive note, things have become slightly more serious with this guy I’m talking to. Some might say it is FAR too soon to be talking to another guy fresh out of a relationship, but it’s been over a month now since the last one, and I’m too much of an all-or-nothing person to be hurt by one guy for too long. Or girl. I just struggle with attachment stuff. ANYWAYS. He’s way different than any guy I've ever talked to, and tbh, its refreshing. He's kind and gentle, but also ambitious and driven. It's something I've always wanted in a partner. I really hope it goes somewhere because he is genuinely so amazing lol. 

This week in the mental health section we have…journaling. Now I know a lot of people just say journal to get your feelings out there but people don't actually talk about the psychology behind journaling, the benefits of it, and WHY it helps. I know this is a pretty basic thing to talk about but its my first post with this little section added so bear with me, it's fine. 

There are a lot of different ways to journal and different kinds of journaling, and it really doesn't matter which one you do, it varies on your needs and what you’re trying to prioritize. I personally bullet journal and have another separate journal for my thoughts and feelings. So a lot of people wonder how journaling can actually be beneficial and I did a lil bit of research and fouuuuund… depending on the kind of journaling you do, it can be either just a release of emotions, it can help track symptoms of mental illness (or physical illness if you suffer from medical conditions, you can track if it’s getting worse or not, especially helpful in cases of people with chronic illness, but again, it varies person to person). Journaling can even help to identify negative self-talk that you may do unknowingly, and you can put in the work to change those negative thoughts into something positive. (All of this information is from a study posted by the University of Rochester Medical Center).

So to focus on the benefits of regular (“regular”) journaling, I’m mostly just going to talk about how it can be done and what to recognize in your journal entries (ITS ALWAYS HELPFUL TO GO BACK AND REREAD THEM EVEN IF IT HURTS, you can see how far you've come, and see what’s changed and whats benefited you throughout your writing journey). Journaling can be instrumental in the progression towards certain goals, as it is an internal reflection, slightly different from a diary, which can be defined as writing about the events of a day, and is mostly a daily thing. Journaling doesn't have to be a daily thing, it can be something you do more often when you’re having a rough time, with long entries full of crossed-out words and scribbles, versus the times you’re doing okay and when the entries are shorter and the words are neater. Either way, journaling is very good for self-reflection, helping you identify triggers and other things that may cause you any amount of emotional stress.

I think my favorite kind of journaling is bullet journaling, which I’ve only been doing for a short while but it’s very different from my thoughts and feelings journal. My bullet journal is something I use to keep track of assignments and also my habits, my reading, and things I've watched, I might start using it to track screen time. I also use it to track the story I’ve begun and this blog as well. It’s becoming very helpful when it comes to the planning of my future and the progression of my goals. I personally never found my thoughts and feelings journal to be very helpful when it came to goal progression, but it’s different for everyone.

One of the best parts of a bullet journal is the creative freedom that comes with it, of course, that’s not for everyone, and some people may simply choose a more minimalistic setup, or they may just not bullet journal at all, but that’s seriously one of the most therapeutic parts. Its a very chill process, I personally stole my setup from a YouTuber who I like, so it’s not my own creativity, but thats something Id like to do someday. 

Anyway, that wraps up this week's post, we shall see how this does, I might mess around with the length of posts, as this one got pretty long. See you next Sunday :)

[lucy90712]

Dream- face reveal

wc- 1971 

Warnings: use of dreams real name

~ I have been friends with this guy on the internet Dream for about 5 years now, we talk all the time but we have never met in person and I have never seen his face. He doesn't show his face on the internet and I've never asked so it just never happened, he knows what I look like all too well because I like sending him stupid selfies and we FaceTime in the middle of the night all the time.

We have been trying to meet in person for years but things keep getting in the way and changing our plans first family issues, then a hurricane and then a whole pandemic. Despite all of this we have finally set a date to meet which is not going to change not for anything or anyone. It's going to be a big day or should I say month, as insane as it sounds I'm going to move in with Dream and Sapnap one of our other friends for a little while to really make this trip worth it even if it only lasts that long.

The process has been difficult because for me to get to Florida I need to get a plane which requires me to get tested before I fly and for my own piece of mind I have been strictly quarantining for the past two weeks but its finally here. I fly out tomorrow morning. I went and got tested yesterday and got my negative result today which I need to get on the plane.

I've been packing all day today because to be there for a month I need a bunch of my set up and cameras so that my content doesn't just stop but then I also need clothes and I can't seem to get both things to fit quite right.

At one point my phone started ringing but there was a mountain of stuff everywhere so I had to dig around to find it and when I did I saw that it was a FaceTime call from Dream, I picked up and immediately put my phone down to get on with my 5th attempt at packing.

"Yo hows it going?" Dream asked

"I'd say pretty average right now I'm super excited for tomorrow but my bag is giving me a hell of a fight" I replied

"Prop your phone up and I'll try and help" he said

I did as I was told and got my small tripod to rest my phone in where you could see what I was looking at. Honestly it was a mess and I was kind of embarrassed but Dream didn't need to know that and besides my face wasn't in frame so he couldn't see how embarrassed I was. I attempted putting everything in a slightly different way to last time which seemed to work until it came to fitting in my tripod and my wash bag of which there was no room for.

"Fuck sake I thought I had it then" I raged slightly

"Ok take out the webcam and forget about the tripod because I have ones that you can use and then try because I think that should give you enough room" he said

"Hell yeah thanks dream" I said after zipping up the suitcase

I flopped back on the floor tired from the minimal amounts of effort I had put in today which just shows how incredibly unfit I am. I recovered before getting up and moving my phone to my desk where I sat to talk to Dream.

We talked for a while until Sapnap came in and I talked to him for a little while, he's been living with Dream for a few months so he warned me about a few things like you don't wake Dream up which I took note of and he told me that Dream will just come and sit in your stream. Eventually they had to leave so I was left on my own to just kind of chill until it was an acceptable time to go to sleep.

Skip to the morning

I woke up at 5am when my alarm went off, I have a love hate relationship with my alarm because I only ever use it when I have something going on which is exciting but the sound makes me want to throw my phone out the window. Despite my annoyance I got up and went straight to the bathroom to shower and get dressed, I thought about wearing something nice but then I realised I had a 5 hour flight and I couldn't bare the thought of being sat down for that long not in comfy clothes. My comfy outfit consisted of leggings and one of my ex boyfriends hoodies because I never gave it back and I'm over it enough to just wear the hoodie whenever I want.

At just before 6 I got in my Uber to head to the airport seeing as my flight was at around 8 it would be wise to get there early. I wasn't sure how busy the airport would be seeing as you aren't meant to travel but I don't think I've ever seen an airport that wasn't busy.

I made it to the airport and as I assumed it wasn't heaving but there was still a fair amount of people around. I made my way through the crowds and checked in for my flight before heading through security and then making it to the main part of the airport. That part was less busy as there is more space for people to spread out into which made me much less anxious about people being too close. I had a little while to wait for my flight so I went and got some food because I haven't eaten today, and I don't want to end up with a headache.

When it was time for my flight to board I went to the gate and got straight into my seat watching as more people boarded but not as many as I expected, it was clear that all of the people on the flight had a good reason to be going to Florida and not just going on holiday and no one was sat together so all rules were being adhered to.

My flight landed 5 hours later and everyone filed off the plane going there own way leaving me kind of lost in a place that I wasn't used to and with the anxiety of going to meet Dream for the first time. I had a bit longer to wait because I had to get an Uber to the house even though dream offered to come and pick me up I told him not to because the less people at the airport the better and just incase people recognised me I didn't want him to accidentally face reveal.

I collected my suitcase and went straight out to the car park to get in my uber who was waiting just outside the doors in the designated area for taxis. As soon as I got in the car I text Dream letting him know I was on my way and sharing my location just in case things went south.

My uber stopped outside this one house and I got out walking up the drive taking in the house number to make sure I was at the right place which I was. Thats when the nerves really kicked in, I was about to meet one of my best friends in person for the first time. This is so insane to think that after all there years we get to do all the stupid things friends do.

I got to the door and rang the doorbell waiting the few excruciating seconds before I heard movement behind it indicating that there was someone there. It opened slowly and the first person I saw was sapnap who of course I was excited to see but we have talked properly on FaceTime before so I already know what he looks like.

Next another person popped up behind pushing sapnap out the way and giving me a hug straight away I knew it had to be dream but he ran over so quick that I didn't get to take in anything other than the fact he was hugging me. He pulled away and I got to look at his face, he looked pretty much exactly how I thought he would from the descriptions I have heard. As much as wavy length doesn't sound like a thing it somehow fit his hair and his eyes were also super green, he was definitely taller than I expected though this man towered over me like it was nothing and could definitely push me to the ground in a second but he looked kind just how you want a friend to be.

After a few minutes of freaking out that this was actually happening they let me inside and gave me a tour of the house showing me my room and the set up they had put together for me with a webcam and tripod just like dream said. They finished off the tour before I was made to sit and play whatever game they wanted with them.

We played an assortment of games for hours on end before we ordered food for dinner which we ate all chilling on the sofa. I almost forgot that my followers didn't know I was here but when I remembered I stole patches from dream and got him to take a picture of me with her to post on twitter and Instagram because people would get it without me having to explain. Not much of a grand reveal considering Sapnap did the same when he got here but I didn't really have any other ideas I mean its not like I can just do dream's face reveal for him with a picture on my twitter can I. The response to my tweet was insane within minutes people had got it trending and they were freaking out with all sorts of theories of if I'd officially moved in or if I was just visiting although both were kind of right.

Having spent a few hours here now I feel very at home they boys are really welcoming making sure I'm all good and not too tired after my flight which of course I am but sleep is for the weak so I'll wait. I have been told to call the two of them by their real names unless its on stream which feels kind of odd because I'm use to calling them what their know by despite knowing their real names the whole time. They have given me a nickname which I now go by to make it fair.

It was sad when the day came to an end when we all decided it was best to get some sleep even though I think their going to stay up and they said it for my own sake because I've been yawning non stop for the past 2 hours but either way I'm going to go to sleep and this day (one of the best days of my life) will become that of a memory.

Although I don't think this day could have gone any better its consisted of everything I've ever wanted to have in a friend but none of my friends back home if you can call them friends are into the same things as me so it never works out. Now I have two friends who share the same interests and have the same god awful sleep schedule so we can stay up messing around together if we want to which is what life as a 20 year old should be like. Fun.

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[theres-a-goldensky]

16 + 2 Reddie Fic Recs pt. 2

I’m back and still on my Bill Hader bullshit, so here’s another round of Reddie fic recs, because I can’t stop reading and sometimes sifting through the insane amounts of fic is a nightmare. So if you feel my pain and need some (at least in my opinion) fun stories, then come along with me on a magical journey filled with men crying during sex, hypochondria, and your mom jokes.

As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:

IT chapter 2 list part one - Reddie

Good Omens fic 

The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian

Various BL Series fic (fandoms: Love By Chance, TharnType, 2Moons series, My Engineer, Until We Meet Again, 2gether, History3: Trapped)

Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

All my recs are completed, almost all of them are post-It chapter 2. * - denotes a favorite

1. I killed a clown. AMA! by liesmyth - ~10,000 words, teen - The history of Eddie and Myra’s marriage shown through their posts on reddit. The voices here are great, and it really feels like reading the reddit forums, down to the people sleuthing through their past posts and comments to try and figure out if what they’re saying is real or an elaborate troll.

 r/relationships

Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago

 My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?

For the last year or so my husband has been watching a lot of stand-up comedy on youtube. I want him to have something relaxing to do (he works a lot and gets really invested in his ‘hands-on’ hobbies in a way I’m not sure is good for him) but I was very puzzled by this discovery as he likes very crass acts and that is certainly not the kind of humor hubby usually enjoys...

2. all of the kids back home believing much more than you do by eatcheeseliveforever - ~11,000 words, explicit - This is a fix-it fic, which is becoming more and more rare in this fandom as we collectively started deciding that Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t need to be brought back to live, because he never died in the first place, dammit. It has some great pining by Richie. You can really feel his grief and desperation as he searches for a way to get Eddie back. The other Losers are great in this too, especially Mike with his whales.

"A boat, actually," murmured Mike.  "I'm on a whale-watching cruise."

Richie mouthed the words "whale watching cruise" to himself.  Empirically he knew such things existed, that they happened not far away from the coast where he lived, but it felt like several fucking galaxies away from where he was, surrounded by the ghosts of takeouts and blackouts past and the actual ghost-ghosts, who he couldn't step in or stub his toe on at three in the morning, but hurt so much worse.

"He said you've been googling resurrection rituals."

Richie scrounged through his pile of empties, hoping one wasn't.  "Bill talks too much."

"Richie."  A sigh, or a wave, or a really quiet whale.  "You're not going to find a resurrection ritual on Google."

"I've found hundreds," said Richie.  "Funny thing, though, they all seem to call for orgies.  Or virgin sacrifices.  Or sacrificing someone's virginity in an orgy.  I'm hoping Ben will volunteer as tribute."

3. * - you’ve got the answers to my confessions by QueerOnTilMorning - ~17,000 words, explicit - This is the good stuff right here. Richie accidentally sexts Eddie and Eddie is IN. TO. IT. This fic starts with excellent phone sex, there’s misunderstandings and confessions in the middle, and then it ends with super hot sex. There’s a brief part with karaoke that was a bit of a lull in the story, but doesn’t take away from how great the rest is.

     suck on ur tongue  

     show u how much I missd that mouth  

     when u start getting weak in the knees  

     thats when ill get on mine  

 He set the phone aside to unzip his pants, palming himself through his boxers, already half-hard.

 Then he froze.

 The text he had just replied to--it was what he'd expected Travis to say, but it wasn't how Travis would say it. That text began with a capital letter and contained punctuation. That text was from--

 "Oh, fuck, no," Richie whispered, and his phone rang.

 Incoming call: Eds

4. * -  L'Appel du Vide by Mackem - ~92,000 words, teen - I know, I know, almost 100k and no sex, but hear me out! The pining in this fic is so exquisitely beautiful and wrenching. Eddie’s POV is excellent and feels really spot on. The other Losers are well represented, especially Ben and Bev. In fact, the group dynamics here are almost as good as the relationship stuff. The later chapters bring in a subplot about the deadlights that I wasn’t that interested in, but it’s still done really, really well, and that’s only a side plot that doesn’t impact that exceptional story of Eddie and Richie figuring out how to stop being dummies.

Two messages, however, are from Stanley, sent to him privately. He opens them, and is met with a picture of Richie, apparently taken without him realising.

It shows him laughing, his eyes crinkled at the corners behind his glasses, and his smile bright and broad as a hand gestures wildly in the air. The other hand is in his hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he tilts his head back, displaying the line of his throat beneath his stubble.

The breath is punched from Eddie at the sight of it.

He stares at it for a long moment, surprised by the depth of his reaction. His stomach is swirling happily, a bubble of excitement growing at the pit, and he cannot help but feel a heated flush build at his cheeks.

It’s probably just because Richie looks like he’s enjoying himself. It’s good to see his friend having fun. That has to be it.

Then he reads Stan’s message.

Stan: He was talking about you. He does that a lot.

5. my love a beacon in the night - by zach_stone - ~4500 words, explicit - Richie is on the road doing shows through Christmas. His friends have a surprise for him. I know it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but it’s never the wrong time for a fluffy Christmas story imo.

 “Yep, just got to my hotel,” Richie says. “Now I’m getting ready for my big Christmas Eve plans.”

 Eddie snorts. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

 “Well according to my TV guide, they’re doing a rerun of The Mistletoe Promise, so I’m all fuckin’ set,” Richie says, grinning when Eddie laughs. On Eddie’s end of the line, he hears the sound of cars passing by, the muffled chatter of people, and says, “Are you outside?”

 “Huh? Oh, yeah,” Eddie says.

 Richie glances at the clock on the nightstand. It’s after ten; Eddie’s not one to be wandering around Times Square after dark. He frowns slightly. Eddie’s been unusually vague about his holiday plans, so Richie has no clue what he’s up to this evening. Not that it’s any of his business. Maybe he’s started seeing someone and is spending the holidays with them. Richie has a sudden image of Eddie, arm-in-arm with some generically pretty woman, taking in the lights and decorations around the city. It opens a pit in his stomach.

6. Coming Back and Coming Out: Richie Tozier's 2019 by Lunatical - ~2000 words, teen - I genuinely adore the mixed media fics that this fandom has spawned. This one is an excerpt from a magazine interview with Richie as he restarts his career.

Slouched on his couch in a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and torn-up jeans, Richie Tozier looks exactly like the manchild he is describing himself to be. Next to him, sitting up straight and dressed in a lovely suit that most people would consider appropriate for an interview, his husband rolls his eyes.

When we scheduled this interview, Tozier insisted we hold it at their house, citing a desire for the interview to be “as chill as possible”—in his own words, of course. He argued that seeing the two of them in their usual environment would help me get a better idea of the kind of relationship they have. After walking into their apartment and seeing the way they’ve decorated the place, I have to admit that I can understand why.

7. baby, there’s no other superstar by kaspbrakziers - ~7000 words, mature - Another mixed media fic that shows the progression of Richie and Eddie’s relationship and Richie’s career through tweets, texts, and interviews. Eddie not knowing how to turn off the capslock on his phone absolutely sent me.

Search history

Today Sunday, 13 November 2016

should i get a divorce? - Google Search

Unhappily Married: Should I get a divorce? - Yahoo Answers

10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over - Buzzfeed

how to divorce? - Google Search

How To File For Divorce (With Pictures) - wikiHow

how to divorce someone without them getting angry? – Google Search

can you divorce someone without telling them? - Google Search

8. Goes on Trips for the Scenery by InkandOwl - ~4500 words, teen - Eddie dies and then comes back to life and tries to get some perspective. I liked the conversations between Eddie and Richie and then way that Eddie starts to take care of himself. The end is really sweet.

If cosmic power and a literal alien space clown’s death wasn’t going to bring him back to life, Eddie was certain that the terrible pain of hearing Richie beg, his tears dropping onto Eddie’s face, probably would’ve done it. He feels sick just thinking about it. About what it all means. “Yeah, Rich, I will.” He could throw a jab at him, tell him something about eating like an adult for once, but he wants to be easy with him right now. Richie deserves it. “You’ll text, right?”

Richie looks down at the prepaid cricket phone in Eddie’s hand and laughs, “There’s no fucking way that thing gets texts.”

“It does.” Eddie grins, “You could call too.”

The fight drains from Richie, his shoulder slumping and he sighs, “Yeah, Eds, I’ll call.”

9. cause i'm about to blow that back out by thotgreeves - ~5000 words, explicit - Here, have some porn. Eddie wears lingerie and Richie loses his goddamn mind. Features submissive top Richie and his unending boner for Eddie.

Richie really should have learnt to never underestimate Eddie Kaspbrak by now. It had come close to killing Richie once, but Eddie might actually be trying to finish him off.

Because the other perk of always letting Eddie go ahead of him was that it gave Richie a prime view of Eddie's ass. Eddie knew about this part and was okay with it. He was wearing a high-waisted pair of slacks that Richie was pretty sure came from the women's section, slightly loose in the legs but nicely filled out by his ass. Richie had been very vocal in the past about how hot they got him, which signaled that Eddie definitely wanted to have sex tonight, and that was already enough to make Richie's dick twitch in excitement. He hadn't been prepared for the finishing blow.

Richie's eyes were fixed, pendulum-like, on how Eddie's slacks were hugging his butt perfectly with every step he took, tight enough to show off the outline of his underwear. Only the folds didn't sit where Richie had expected them to. Instead, Richie realized, his mouth going dry, that in the absence of boxers, there was only a V-shaped crease running from Eddie's hips to between his asscheeks, which could only mean-

Eddie was wearing a thong.

10. * - I’ll Be Homo For Christmas by Amuly - ~15,000 words, explicit - Bill and Audra get a divorce, so Bill moves into Richie’s house with him. Eddie, watching all of this from New York, where he’s still married to Myra, is super, super ok and fine with it in every way.

Except then Richie started posting.

Just stupid shit, mostly with Bill. It wasn’t even real. Eddie knew Bill wasn’t gay and him and Richie were just fucking around ‘for the ‘gram!’ But the more posts Eddie scrolled past on Richie’s Instagram—

 Bill in the kitchen swatting at Richie with a spatula.

 Richie and Bill at the pound, Richie rating dogs on adoptability, Richie begging Bill to adopt a dog with him.

 Richie in the morning with bedhead, smiling blearily into the camera as Bill…

Well. Eddie couldn’t even remember what stupid thing Bill was supposed to be doing in the background of that photo because his eyes couldn’t get past Richie’s bedhead and shirtless torso, chest hairs creeping up towards his collarbones and the little dip at the base of his throat.

Eddie hadn’t thought he was homophobic. But he must have some unresolved issues with it, because he got a stomachache every time he looked at that photo of Richie. Eddie popped a Tums and resolved to talk about it with his therapist.

11. A High-Five is a Hug You Can Hit by Amuly - ~26,000 words, explicit - This fic shows us times throughout their friendship when Eddie and Richie would invent reasons to touch each other without even knowing why. This author feels the same bone deep conviction about Richie crying during sex that I do, and I greatly appreciate that. Plus, all of their stories are fantastic, including this one.

“You know, one of the symptoms of hypothermia is feeling like you’re warm. So like, your body gets so cold that it gets hot, and then you start taking off your clothes-”

“Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Eddie?” Richie shot back at him without turning around.

“Why don’t you ask your sister how much she liked it last week!” Eddie hollered up at him. Richie just flipped him off without looking. That kinda… bugged Eddie. What the fuck did Richie think he was doing leading up the group with Bill? Why was he stuck back here with Stan? Eddie glanced over at Stan, who was trudging tiredly through the woods alongside him, breath puffing out in little clouds of smoke.

“Okay, Stan?”

Stan glanced over at him, confused. Then he shrugged. “Yeah, fine. Cold.”

“Well that’s better than feeling warm.” And now Eddie was back on track. “Because, if anyone starts feeling warm, they should tell the others immediately. That’s a sign of hypothermia. And we have to warm you up. But you have to do it gradually, you can’t just jump in like, a pot of boiling water-”

12. * - fall apart of stay intact by kaspbrak_kid - ~19,000 words, teen - A more melancholy take on the Christmas fic. This story takes Richie’s self-esteem issues and mental problems and amps them up in a way that feels entirely realistic. The gang comes together to celebrate Christmas, and everyone is walking on eggshells because last Christmas was a bad one for Richie. Also, Eddie moves into the house literally right next to Richie’s, and I find that detail endlessly charming.

“Five minutes ago. I called you, and you didn’t answer. Because you were outside, apparently, fucking...stargazing in December! With no hat on!”

“It’s about the Vitamin D!” Richie says. Now that he’s moved a little, he can really feel the cold—his ears are aching, and his face is numb. “Reflecting off the moon, or something. I have seasonal depression, you know!”

“You have seasonal stupidity,” Eddie mutters, audibly rubbing his hands together. “Just get inside.”

“Yours or mine?” Richie jokes.

Eddie doesn’t get the memo. “Mine, obviously. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

“Oh,” Richie says, and sits up. “Um. Okay, be right there.”

“Oh, thank god,” Eddie says, and hightails it to his back door, cursing about the cold.

13. evidence of a happier future by lagaudiere - 23,000 words, mature - I am here, leading the Jealous!Eddie revolution. Why aren’t there more fics about this. Have you SEEN Eddie Kaspbrak, can you IMAGINE him jealous? Make this happen, fandom. Anyway, in this one, Richie has a boyfriend back in LA. Eddie has trouble dealing with that as he tries to figure himself out and pick up the pieces of his life post-Derry.

“It’s not gonna be like Mike’s announcement, don’t worry,” Richie says hastily. “And it’s not like, a huge thing, so don’t make it a huge thing. But you guys are like, my best friends, and I just wanted you to know that I’m, uh. Gay.”

He turns up his palms and raises his eyebrows in a gesture that suggests a magician presenting his audience with an empty hat after making the rabbit disappear, and Eddie says, “Are you joking?”

“What? Jesus, no, Eddie.” Richie’s face falls, and Eddie instantly feels guilty. “I’m trying to be sincere here.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says immediately, feeling all of their friends looking at him with reproach. “I was just — if you weren’t, I wouldn’t think you should… joke about it.”

“Well, I am,” Richie says. He sounds slightly put out — and who wouldn’t be, Eddie scolds himself, by that ridiculous response. “I have all the gay credientials. I have a boyfriend, partner, whatever people say. I don’t really tell people because of the whole, stage persona, thing. But yeah.”

“Richie!” Bev’s voice breaks through the awkwardness, and she reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thank you for telling us. Really.”

And the others all join in, a chorus of voices telling Richie they love him and they’re proud of him, and Ben is saying, “I wanna see a picture of the guy!” and Eddie’s throat feels like it’s closing up.

14. The ‘Do Not Fucking Touch Me’ Tour by MellytheHun - ~23,000 words, explicit - It’s Richie’s comeback special, and he makes it a big one. This...isn’t really a comedy show, but the author lampshades that. It’s an excuse to have Richie talk about how much he loves each of his friends individually, and it’s extremely entertaining. Richie doesn’t know that Eddie is in the audience watching it all.

“Hey, uhm… Eddie… he couldn’t reschedule his thing? He - I mean... it… it was really that important?”

She feels awful for him immediately, but not wanting to spoil what would ultimately be a lovely surprise, she tells him, “I’m sorry, Rich. He said it was urgent. He was really sorry about it.”

Her phone buzzes with a text from Eddie right as Richie curses under his breath, missing the noise. She clutches her phone more tightly in her fist, knowing Eddie is wondering where his seat is going to be; she bought him a separate ticket, elsewhere in the theatre, so Richie wouldn’t catch him sitting among them, as he will absolutely, inevitably look over to the Losers for most of the show.

“Okay,” Richie surrenders sadly, “Uh - I guess he’ll see it eventually, right?”

Smiling forlornly at him, she pats his arm, and tells him, “don’t worry, Richie. Your genius will inevitably be forced upon us all.”

He smiles at her, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and when Bill jokingly asks why he didn’t get one, Richie flips him off, and reminds them to treat themselves to the bar in the lobby.

Once he’s backstage, Beverly takes her phone out, and emails Eddie his ticket, explains that she’s already convinced Richie he’s not coming, and to make sure he doesn’t show up too early, or Richie will notice.

15. The List by cissues - ~7000 words, teen - Eddie finds a list he wrote as a teenager. Richie tries his best to fulfill them all. This is very sweet.

‘ All the things I want. Everything I’m not allowed to have. A perfect summer. ”

The words hit gentler than he thought they would, but they still hit and he finds himself blinking away at a wetness at the corner of his eye. He wipes at it and sniffles and Richie peers sidelong at him to make sure he’s okay. He is, he’s fine, and Richie never dotes on him when things are, generally, okay. Only when he needs it, which is one of the many things he loves about what they have now.

“This is… this is like a fucking  bucket list  for the most repressed child in the world.” Richie says, breathless.

Eddie rolls his eyes to hide the sting. “You’re looking at him,” he says, bitter. Richie frowns at him but turns back to the paper. Another thing Eddie loves, Richie never takes his trauma-induced bait. His knee-jerk reactions developed over years of what he’s now comfortable enough to call abuse.

16. Richie Tozier Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions by DeadpanMage - ~2000 words, teen - This is a short one, but the transcript of this popular YT video format with Richie felt spot on in terms of characterization and Richie’s voice.

[Back to the text screen: “So WIRED asked Richie Tozier some of the internet’s burning questions.” Cut back to Richie, now holding a poster board with several Google autocomplete searches half covered.]

Richie: I’ve undergone something of a rebranding in the past year, so I wonder how many of these questions are going to be super irrelevant-slash-embarrassing. Probably all of them. Let’s get started! [He tears the covering off of the first question.] Alright, that’s not bad. “How to pronounce Richie Tozier?” Well, we’re only on question one and I’ve already said it like a hundred times so there you go. And that’s “Richie Tozier” spelled J-O-H-N M-U-L-A-N-E-Y, so if you’ve got any complaints be sure to send them that way. Next question!

You can check out a larger list of stories I’ve enjoyed in my AO3 bookmarks. And finally, if you’re interested, here are the two fics I’ve written:

1. Waiting For a Sign - ~6000 words, explicit - Eddie meets Richie again and comes to the startling realization that he totally wants to hit that.

Maybe if Richie wasn’t famous, Eddie could have found a way to let it go. A couple furtive jerk off sessions in the shower after he got back to New York and the image of Richie’s big hands and wide smile and improbably flattering stubble would fade from his mind.

But Richie was famous, and the internet never forgot.

Eddie lasted three days before giving in and typing ‘Richie Tozier’ into the YouTube search bar. Just seeing Richie in the thumbnails was enough to make Eddie’s heart thud, what the fuck. He had to scroll past a bunch of news videos about Richie's supposed mental breakdown, but after that he landed on some old stand-up.

Before he clicked on the first video, he got up and made sure that the door of his study was locked. Then he turned off the lights and put on a pair of earbuds.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It - ~21,000 words, explicit - It’s that totally relatable situation where the man you’re secretly in love with is a celebrity who just came out and now needs a fake boyfriend to keep himself in the spotlight. Eddie offers to help out of the goodness of his heart and not because he’s insanely fucking jealous.

Eddie froze, breath catching in his throat.

Richie looked...really good.

Bev’s influence was obvious. His hair, which had been unkempt and shaggy, a perfect match for his stoner permakid schtick, was cut much shorter and neater. His formerly unruly stubble somehow now emphasized the sharp cut of his jaw instead of obscuring it.

He wore new glasses, Eddie noticed. Slim silver metal frames instead of his giant, clunky plastic ones. The fitted black sweater and dark blue jeans were simple, but made his shoulders look impossibly broad and his legs miles long.

Fuck everything and Beverly Marsh in particular.

LINK TO MY FIRST SET OF REDDIE RECS 30+ FICS

[ask-the-party-god]

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

[mydearsaddiary]

Little curiosity notes: Hey guys! We’re on chapter 9 now! If everything goes according to plan the story will end in the next chapter! I might do an additional short epilogue after, but the plan is only to continue until chapter 10! Thank you so much for reading until here and as always: Feel free to reach out!

Thank you!

Candy (08/20/2020)

Neil Chapter 9 part 1- First, do no harm

1933

-Cliff- I said as I walked from the back room of the diner I helped to manage now- you’re running low on soda, you know!

-Geez- He said, finishing up cleaning a table and running towards me- I’m awful with this inventory stuff ya know, MC. Mind seeing everything we’re missing?

I smiled, gently hitting him on the head with the papers I was holding- Glad to help.

-Neil coming in today? Just got his new bourbon stash this morning!

-Im sure he’ll pop by later when the nanny is home. How’s everything going with you?

-It’s fine, me and Jane just moved in together- He crossed his arms , blushing a little and giving me that big smile of his.

-So you finally settled down. Next thing you know you’ll have little Conways running around the place

-Maybe in a few years- He turned around when somebody called his name- Alright, duty calls. Have fun in there!

-I always have- I waved at him and returned the back room to count our stock, manage prices, and do basically everything I did at the Ice Box. I enjoyed doing the same job alongside the same people without having the risk. Our past evolved into a better future than most of what the other mob bosses had.

Suddenly, I heard the lock click. My initial shock soon turned into dark memories I wanted to forget. Impulsively I tried open the door only to find out I was actually locked in

-Hey...! Hey!- I knocked on the door- Hey, let me out! Somebody locked me in- I wasn’t scared of enclosed places. It was the sound of the lock clicking and the inability to open it from the inside that haunted me.

I hated being locked in.

-MC- The door opened after a few knocks. Vince was there- Sorry, just came in and thought somebody left it open

-It’s alright-My cheeks were colored red, but besides that I kept my posture- I’ll just do the inventory outside

1926

I opened my eyes, waking up from my sleep. I could feel no sign of light besides the faint, artificial one. I sighed heavily realizing nothing had changed. In my new found experience, not being in the sun for three weeks messes with you head. It makes you tired and empty. A crippling force tells you to accept your fate to remain there.

I sat up, only to find Vera already awake on the mattress besides mine- Did you check the day today?- I asked

-Yeah. The holidays are approaching fast. How are you?

I rubbed my stomach which now had started to show more. Vera had asked the mayor, in one of the times he came in, for new clothes. She had some in the bedroom they used to share. It was refreshing to say the least and her clothes, that were slightly bigger on me, helped me hide my condition from him. It was a light and loose salmon colored shirt that went down until my hip, and a beige skirt that went to my calf, along with white stockings. It was nothing I’d normally wear, but I wasn’t in the position to be picky.

-I feel fine- I said- I don’t feel too sick anymore. I haven’t gotten any movements yet

-How far along are you?

-Hm... I went to the doctor last month... Must be around 13 or 14 weeks.

-It’s still early. Mine didn’t move until about 17 weeks

I looked at her, genuinely surprised- You have kids?

-Oh yes, Frank and I have our children. They’re all grown and moved on to different parts of the country. My oldest one is a little older than you.

-What’s her name?

-His, actually. His name is Robert. He’s 21 now, he got a job out west and comes back to visit when he can.

-Who are the others?

-Oh, May is 18. She’s with her aunt in Florida. I sent her when things got too complicated here. She wouldn’t listen to us.

I chuckled- I know how she feels.

-Then there’s Matt. He’s 16.

-What’s going on with Matt?

-He’s in New York as an apprentice to his grandfather. My ex-husband’s dad. He wants to teach him how to run the business he owns

-Seems like they’ve got it all figured out

-Yes. Well, I know the feeling of having your first kid. I was but a bit older than you are right now. Although- She pointed to her surroundings- I had a more adequate stay

I laughed, but there was no humor in my voice- Adler’s gonna bring our city down under his total power if we don’t do something

-You don’t think your men are trying to save you or figure it out?

-Trying is the key word. Vince...-I sighed, with a heavy heart- Well, Adler shot him... He must be dead right now. That means Cliff and Uncle Charlie must be a mess. On top of it, for my uncle, there’s the fact that I disappeared. That also messes with Neil who, I can’t even imagine what he must be feeling but it’s nothing good. Then Donovan isn’t close enough with them to put everybody’s head together. Julius, Cleo, Sofia and Andrew... Im sure they’re trying to help but...- I sighed- I’m the head of the Ice Box. Im the queen on the chess board. They need me- I said as I realized it myself- I can’t spend any more time waiting for something to happen or counting days.

-You already tried everything, remember?

-Not everything- I got up, exercising my need to move my legs- You know Adler’s schedule better than anyone. When is he out for a long time?

-He’s always at the office from noon to six on weekdays.

-Then thats our time to escape. We’ll wait an hour just to be sure, then leave.

-Yes, but you’re leaving out the important part— How are we gonna leave?

-Last night, before I went to bed, I was looking around your things to see if I could find something useful

-You went through my stuff?!-She said visibly irritated

-If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have found this- I opened my hand to show her the few bobby pins I had in my possession

-How is pinning your hair up helping us?

-Oh Vera, dig a little deeper. It’s for opening the door. I can pick it!

-With those? I think you might be a little too optimistic

-Thankfully- I said cheering up- I had plenty of training sneaking back in my house, and hiding from Momma and Poppa. I have yet to meet a lock that could stop me.

She looked at me for a few seconds and sighed- Alright, I’ll bite. One in the afternoon then.

-Thats right!-I hid it once I heard the door open. They were bringing breakfast down.

____

We heard Adler leave. We heard everything until there was nothing else to hear. The anticipation was so overwhelming that when Vera’s little clock hit twelve-thirty, we were on out way up the stairs.

I got two bobby pins and started to work on unlocking the door. In a few minutes, it clicked and it opened right up to the now dark living room

-You know- She whispered- For the three weeks you were here, you could’ve tried that sooner.

-I didn’t know you had these!- I whispered too, but in an angrier tone- And you’re welcome!

I pushed the door out slowly, as if someone would head. The dark immensity of the house spread before my eyes. Without a single soul there it seemed peaceful, but in a way that unsettled you, like something was waiting to jump out from the dark. The negativity soon disappeared as I got lost in my thoughts for a second and walked over to the big window, letting the sun hit my face. The warmth of the natural light, warmed up my heart along with it. The joy of finally breaking free made me forget for an instant I had to walk out the front door.

-Miss Granger, let’s go!-Vera hurried me up

-Yeah, right- I walked up to the front of the house. By the door there was a table. I noticed keys on top of it- This is for his Ford, isn’t it?- I grabbed them-Nifty! We just got out escape vehicle

-I can’t drive- She looked at me uncertain

-Well, I’ve been learning- I replied opening the door- Now, let’s scram

___

I had to go through two Fords to find the one the keys belonged too, within myself we could taste the flavor of freedom.

Opening the door, I made my way in. It was then everything was ruined by a single shot that went right through the window on my side. When I looked back, Adler stood a few yards away with a gun aimed in my direction, along with his two goons.

-Go, Vera! Inside!-I yelled at the top of my lungs closing my door and turning on the car. I stepped on the gas and went as fast as the car would allow me to.

Soon, down the streets of Chicago we went. The bright sun and the streets filled with people would normally be cause for celebration, but my currently situation prevented me from enjoying it. I heard more shots coming our way and noticed that Adler was following us in his own car

To make everything better, Vera was freaking out in the passenger seat

-Woaaaaaaaaah, be careeeful! Waaaait, you’re going tooooo faaaaast!

-Vera!- I yelled back, driving and swerving as much as my experience would allow- If I don’t drive fast he’s gonna catch up to us—Ah!- I yelped when another shot came right in between us, making a hole in the windshield

-You’re gonna kills uuuus!-Her voice got louder and more annoying- I’m not ready to die!- She continued, letting out her “Oh!”s And “Oh my god!”s And her loud screams that were worse than the shots for me. At this point, I tried my best to ignore them since our lives depended on it

She yelled even louder when his car bumped into our rear and sent our bodies forward. I heard continuous shots that shattered our windows and I couldn’t go any faster. I had to think of something quickly, but all the stimulation from the outside made the task harder.

That’s when I saw it and hope ushered back into me. The little red convertible from the corner of my eyes, driving right ahead of us. Vince drove with ease on the wheel, while, surprisingly, our most experienced shooter, Donovan, fired back in the mayor’s direction from the passenger seat.

Seeing them, I let out a relieved little laugh. Fear was substituted with the urge to go faster, so I gained some distance on them. On the other side the trusty green Studebaker had Cliff, Uncle Charlie and Julius in it. Cliff drove, Uncle tried to steal glances my way, and Julius had a pistol, and helped Donovan by firing back. Sometimes Vince would keep one hand on the wheel and use pearl to fire as well. What I thought was going to be hell quickly turned into an exhilarating thrill.

And then, time slowed down as a third car showed up. The darker colored vehicle that belong not just to any man, but to the man I had longed to see all this time— Neil Dresner. I recognized the car but I couldn’t see him since he drove ahead of me. It might seem silly, but the importance of that moment couldn’t be just understood, it had to be felt. The whole world brightened up again just to know he was near. I knew then I wasn’t alone, and I never would be again.

And then everything came back to me in a second, when Vera’s shouting became deafening and another shot came right by us

-We’re going to die! Jesus!- She kept having her panic attacks

-MC!-I heard a voice from Vince in his car- To the docks! Go to the docks!

I nodded, better now that I had a direction in mind,so I sped up towards my new destination.

The city passed by us in a blur, I didn’t allow myself to focus on anything else but getting there. I’m sure everyone else had a plan and in my mind I started formulating the beginning of my own.

I turned into the road that led to the docks and swerving the car faster than it could handle, I stopped abruptly, hitting a few of the many giant boxes piled around, ready to be transported. The side of the car caved in, but we came out unscathed in the front

-What are you thinking?! We could have died! We could hav-

-Vera!- I yelled, looking at her, panting. The adrenaline hadn’t left my body and I knew it wouldn’t for a long time- you’re a chatter-mag bitch- I said in an unusual calm tone, still trying to catch my breath

-Excuse me?-She gave me that look she usually did when she disapproved of something

I was going to reply, but then I heard a car and shots again- Go Vera! Out of the car!- I pushed her out her way and pulled her to hide behind the boxes laid out nearby.

I heard more tires and assumed my gang had arrived to rescue us. I smiled realizing I was right when I saw Vince throwing me my trusty revolver- Let’s take car of em, boss.

-Don’t call me that- I grabbed it, feeling an immense power I hadn’t felt in a long time. I pointed it to my target, my enemies, those who sided with Adler...

...And fired.

Part 2: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/627009903803990016/speakeasy-tonight-fanfic-neil-season-3-chapter-10

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[softforcal]

the roommate!5sos AU continued with Poly 4/4?

ROOMMATE!5SOS POLY CONTINUED

-you were leaving your job at the coffee shop when you bumped into a guy with bright hair coming out from the stairway leading up to the apartment above

-as he helped you pick up your things you mused that we was lucky to be living above the cafe because it must always smell like coffee

-he casually says, “i mean, if you’re looking for a place, one of our rooms just opened up.”

-you stop and stare at him and he explains that his friend Luke moved in with his girlfriend so the rooms available and he was going to make a post about it online but he won’t even bother if you’re actually interested

-”you know what? yeah. i’m interested.”

-exchanging numbers and the next day you agree to see the apartment after a shift when he and his other two room mates will be there

-showing up with free coffee

-”i like you already coffee girl.” Ashton smirks as soon as he sees your offering of coffee

-you’re kinda shook because you had thought you’d only have to deal with one hot room mate, Michael, but his friends are hot too?!

-part of you is like dont move in because they’re all hot

-but part of you is like do move in because they’re all hot

-its a decent apartment

-like… a four bedroom, two bathroom with an open concept kitchen living room?

-and you were right about the smell of coffee

-and because there’s already three living there its actually fairly well priced because the rent is split four ways

-you’d have to share a bathroom with one of them but that’s not the worst thing

-and its right above your work.

-you hang out for a while, getting to know the guys to see if it would be a good fit

-”i’ll take it.” “really!?” group hug

-Ashton and Calum are super down to help you move all your stuff in but Michael isnt as down, he just chills in the living room and plays video games and yells at the guys about being careful

-when its all finished you all somehow manage to collapse onto the couch together and end up playing video games

-Calum’s actually a great cook?

-the first week is a bit difficult, getting used to people’s schedules and figuring out how to share a bathroom with Michael

-a week in and you’d already helped Michael dye his hair

-you hear a lot about their old room mate Luke and they all seem to be on the phone with him a lot, you gather that his whole new relationship apartment isnt working out

-you first meet Luke when you come home one day and he’s on the couch with Calum and he looks pretty rough

-but he still smiles and says hello

-he seems nice too

-you’re in your room later that night and you hear the other three in the kitchen talking about Luke.

-”i just don’t know what we can do.” “we can’t kick Y/N out.” “so where else can he go.” “i mean, he can stay in my room, its the biggest one-” “another guy living here? we need to talk to Y/N about it.”

-you peak your head out and are just like, “if Luke needs to move back in, i can find a new place-” but they’re all super against it.

-”i have space for him in my room, but having another guy here-” Ashton begins but you cut him off, “no, definitely. i don’t mind.”

-so Luke moves back in and stays in Ashton’s room which does have enough space for both

-Luke’s pretty beaten up about everything so a lot of just hanging out and making him feel better

-Michael spends way too much time playing video games in the living room

-and when he’s not there he’s in his bedroom talking to his team mates on pc games

-Ashton somehow fit an electric drum kit into his room so he can play without it being loud but somehow you can still hear his sticks hitting the pats and you feel bad for any girl who’s ass becomes that boys drum kit

-or jealous. jealous is a good word

-Calum’s pretty quiet but he’s a good room mate, always down to cook for you or listen to your problems

-he’s just a chiller

-Luke sings too loud in the shower

-and this boy could burn boiling water

-he’s kind of a walking human disaster

-movie nights where they all talk way too much

-they talk about making a band but never actually ever do it

-Ashton sometimes walks you to work. which sounds sweet but all he has to do is go down a flight of stairs so screw this guy

-your co workers all being jealous because they’re all so hot

-”thats your roommate?” “no i thought her roommate was that gorgeous blonde guy with the sad eyes.” “they both are.”

-they come down during your shifts sometimes to hang out, especially during the non-busy hours

-Ashton will flirt with your co-workers but Calum is the one you have to watch out for

-he’s quiet but all your coworkers are just so in love with his ‘dreamy eyes’

-they always draw smiley faces on his coffee cups when they make him coffee

-Luke comes down to be sweet and say hi and you’re coworkers call him “angel” because he’s beautifully angelic

-and then there’s Michael. he always knows how to make your coworkers laugh

-”oh my god did you see his smile?” “yes, i live with him.”

-you can never bring boys over because unless you sneak him into your room, the guys will for sure make a deal about it

-and if you bring girls over they’ll fawn over your room mates and that can be super annoying so no thank you

-its so weird when girls are over with them. i mean. they are 20 year old boys

-whenever you go into the living room in the morning to see Luke on the couch its not long before a girl runs out of Ashton’s room and out the front door

-they invite you to boys night clubbing

-on Fridays they do clubbing, you know that because the house is dead quiet on Saturday mornings because they’re all passed out

-finding Calum asleep on the kitchen counter one Saturday morning

-taking care of Michael in your shared bathroom because he’s puking

-watching Saturday cartoons and they all trudge into the room sooner or later

-Calum’s usually first and he likes to lay down with his head on your lap

-Luke likes tummy rubs when he’s hung over

-Ashton always try to make it seem like he’s not that hung over but lets just say cowboy hats and sunglasses are a Saturday thing

-so you go out on a friday

-and you end up being dragged onto the dance floor

-they’re all protective of you which means you somehow end up in the middle of all four

-Ashton knows how to sexy dance… hands

-Michael’s kinda awkward but its all good

-Luke is a puppy who just wants to dance with friends

-Calum looks bored most of the night but he also knows how to dance to the beat

-any guy that flirts with you has to watch out for these four showing up

-the night ends with all five of you just heading home together without any hook ups

-Calum carries you home while the other three drunkenly walk around you

-its so hard for all of them to try to fit through the front door at once

-Calum puts you in bed and goes back into the living room where they’re all kinda just like “are we going to talk about the fact that Y/N is sexy as fuck yet or are we going to continue to ignore the elephant in the room.”

-”we can not flirt with our roommate.” “why not?” “because…. just because.”

-now you’re the hung over one and they all want to take care of you

-Calum’s the first one to show up and you just drag him onto the bed to cuddle onto his chest

-so who’s going to cook you breakfast? Not Luke. that’s all i can say.

-Ashton cooks something and comes and sits at the foot of your bed with you and Calum

-Michael comes and jumps into the bed on the other side of you while Ashton makes room for Luke

-somehow you’re all fitting

-”you guys know you’re ruining my sex life right?” (Luke chokes on his water)

-Calum likes to walk around shirtless

-Michael sometimes walks in and goes pee while you’re in the shower

-trying to do the same thing to him and he screamed

-borrowing Ashton’s button ups sometimes because they are so sexy

-braiding Luke’s hair because with that much hair someone’s gotta braid it

-i feel like Calum and Ashton are the ones who do the shopping. you sometimes go with but it usually ends up with them chasing you around the store and Ashton trying to tell you how much sugar is in everything you’re buying because health is important

-impromptu dance parties with Luke where you both sing at the top of your lungs

-Calum walks in on the dance parties and sits down and watch with a grin, Ashton shows up and definitely makes the dancing more sexual whereas Michael just puts his face in his hands and laughs

-probably getting drunk one night and playing Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dare

-my 4/4 things always get to a point where you gotta choose one and i can’t do that for you so i gotta stop but if people want it i can continue this for each guy

————————————————————-POLY5SOS CON’T HERE

-so never have i ever

-these boys looked into Polyamory because they are so fucking wrecked that none of them can make a move because they made a pact

-”truth.” you say. “you’re no fun.” Michael groans but Ashton shushes him, turning to you, “what do you think about Polyamory?”

-you’re kinda taken aback by the question

-you expected something dirty but no?

-”well uhhhh…. i mean it’s an interesting idea. i think with the right communication it could work really well.” you kind of look at all your room mates because why the fuck was that a question

-the game continues and as soon as it’s one of their turns the question goes back to you again, “i really think you should give someone else a turn Mikey.” you laugh

-”nope, truth or dare?”

-you really don’t want a dare from Michael. like out of all of them he’s the one you’re sure would really try to mess with you

-”truth.” you sigh

-he is visibly upset that you chose truth but sighs, “would you be down for a poly relationship with all of us?”

-oooop. there it is.

-looking at all of them. “you guys totally planned this!” you scream

-”answer the question.” Michael grins

-you sigh, taking a swig of your choice of alcohol that you’ve been drinking this whole time, “well i mean we already all live together and you’re all hot as fuck so yeah probably.”

-you turn to Luke, “okay, you’re turn Luke. truth or dare?”  and you know this little fuck is going to say truth because he hasn’t done a dare all night

-”truth.”

-”tell me who came up with this whole Poly thing. spill everything Luke. every. single. detail.”

-he looks at you and gulps then just begins to spill all the goods

-”Michael thought you were cute which is why he offered you a room and when you showed up and you were cute everyone freaked out a little but made a pact not to do anything about it but then Ashton was talking about Polyamory one day and we all looked into it and thought it was a good idea.”

-”so Ashton is the mastermind?”

-”yeah.”

-Ashton is just sitting there with a grin, “i still think its a good idea.”

-so now it’s Luke’s turn but how is he even going to ask anything, they’re all too shook that you would be down

-”umm… Ash, truth or dare?” Luke asks

-and of course Ashton is always down for a “dare”

-”kiss Y/N.”

-of fucking course

-you should have known that would also be part of their plan

-but you never thought Luke would betray you like that. “i mean, if you’re cool with it Y/N.” Luke clarifies. okay. he’s forgiven.

-you sigh and look at Ashton, “okay, go for it.”

-don’t have to tell this boy twice

-he moves closer and cups your face, bringing your lips to his

-his tongue slides against your bottom lip and then his teeth graze it too and you open your mouth slightly, leaning into the kiss

-it lasts longer than you intended

-only ending when Michael says “holy fuck.” and it snaps you out of this little Ashton world you were in

-you pull away and immediately feel yourself flush as Ash grins

-you can’t believe you’re doing this. with your roommates

-your work mates are going to shit a brick

-”so how would you guys want to do this?” you ask

-”it’s not your turn.” Michael laughs

-”screw this game, you guys accomplished what you wanted didn’t you?” you laugh, “seriously, how the fuck is this going to work?”

-having a long discussion about it

-Ash wants to go out and take you on a date but Luke and Michael are too tired, so it’s you, Ash and Cal

-they’re a dream team

-it’s a cute date, holding both of their hands

-getting back to the apartment… and like… they’ve been handsy all night

-ending up in your room

-yeah, they both dom as fuck

-of course the three of you wake up Michael and Luke who show up and are like “what the actual fuck.”

-so of course they join

-and it’s one big mass sex thing but it just works.

-waking up squished between two of them with the other two touching you somehow with an arm thrown over two bodies to get to you

-and they’re all so beautiful all sleepy

-ya’ll need to buy a bigger bed

-they’re all so cuddly

-they all groan a ton too because no one wants to wake up

-the entire pack walking you down the stairs to work

-they all want to be the last one to kiss you

-your work mates are shook as fuck

-they all go upstairs and are just like that was fucking wild

-Luke and Michael meet you after work and take you out for dinner for their date with you

-they’re also super sweet

-Michael teases you about getting some ‘sugar’ when you all get home

-getting there and Cal and Ash are gone

-so Muke threesome

-like, these boys tend to be home in pairs throughout the day and then everyone is usually home by dinner

-so dinners are a thing

-Cal usually cooks for all of you but you guys all try to help

-nudity is chill now that you’re all seeing each other

-like, so much nudity

-so much sex too

-and you’re all together so sex anywhere in the apartment

-Michael is a shower fucker because ya’ll share a bathroom

-Cal likes to eat on the kitchen counter and you’re his favourite meal

-Luke is a fan of the couch

-and Ashton will bend you over anywhere, he aint picky

-they get so used to just sex everywhere

-like Luke gets home and Cal has you on the kitchen counter, his face between your thighs and Luke just is like “hey” and Cal pulls away briefly to be like “sup.” before diving back in.

-Calum asking you and Luke which outfit to wear out while Luke fucks you into the couch, “the blue one or the grey one?” “fuck, Cal, the blue one.” “you like that babe? and yeah, Cal, the blue.”

-like lets be real here. the apartment becomes a sex dungeon.

-it would be hella.

-someone is always down for “the sex”

-hanging out 24/7

-im going to be real. im tired and have been sitting looking at this one for ages. imma stop it here, sorry fam. but sex. a lot.

[nyctolovian]

Ch1

A/N: Heya! I’ve been really tired the past few days but i managed to get off my ass to post this lolllll. Once again, special thanks to @lunasloveliess, @oorubixoo, and @alunaii for helping me to beta-read this!! :)

I originally planned to post a new chapter once every Tuesday but god thats too tiring and i have a life (+ other wip to work on) so.... theres a change in plans! It will not have a fixed schedule but I’ll still try to keep it regular! dun worry!

Okay so we get to the next fun part of torturing Lance even more (i mean,,, thats the entire point of this fic tbh) 

WARNING: Graphic depiction of violence

Lance woke up with a groan. His entire body felt sore. And his head! He rubbed the side of it, and hissed at the stinging sensation.

“What the– What happened?” Gingerly, he pressed the painful spot. A bruise?

He was in a well-lit room with tables and chairs, which were haphazardly shoved to the sides of the room, toppled or broken apart. There had been a struggle or fight or something.

The smell of iron was heavy in the room.

Lance sat up and saw a Galra soldier on the floor, lying in a pool of blood. There was no way she was still alive with that much blood and the flap of flesh dangling at what used to be her throat.

Lance seized up as memories surged back. The distress signal, the capture, the attempted escape, the millions of bottles, the monstrous creature.

Why wasn’t he dead?

He lifted his hand saw it was caked with blood. In fact, both hands were. He felt his throat constrict.

But his hands weren’t wounded. The blood was from elsewhere.

Lance ran his tongue over his lips and cringed as he tasted blood. “Where the heck did that come from?” he muttered to himself.

He did a quick scan of himself. There was no gaping wound or anything of that sort. His back felt like there were glass shards in it, but that was probably because there were glass shards. Otherwise, he was only bruised and battered with a few shallow cuts, most likely from the glass as well.

Did the creature spare him? For what reason?

Maybe it didn’t spare him, so much as it had only sought vengeance from the Galra. It was hard to imagine anyone who would be thankful for being cooped up in a liquid-filled vessel.

But what was he doing here? Did the creature bring him here? For what?

Lance sighed. He decided not to question it. He was alive. That was all that mattered now. That and how he needed to get out. The others must be worried sick.

He rose to his feet, grunting in effort. His vision blacked out for a moment, and Lance had to stretch out his arms to keep himself steady. His sight gradually cleared, although he remained light-headed. The burning sensation in his back intensified, the glass shard relentless, as every other part of his body was aching dully, as though he had been thrown against several walls.

He stumbled out of the room and winced. The corridor was drenched in blood and littered with mauled bodies.

Some of them had their necks ripped through like the Galra in the room. Others had large gash at their torso, their ribs torn apart and left open. The occasional body was missing a limb or two, which could usually be found a couple of metres away, in its own pool of crimson. There were some bodies which were twisted unnaturally, bones snapped in two like toothpicks.

The corridor walls were scratched up and bathed in dark red. Certain parts were slightly charred. They were marks made by Galra blasters.

Then, there were the claw marks on some of the walls. Those clearly were not Galra.

He shuddered.

Jesus. That creature must have gone straight up mad to wreck the place like this. The place reeked of fresh blood and death.

Lance really was lucky to be spared from the massacre. Somehow.

He tried not to breathe in the scent of blood, but it was soon apparent that it was unavoidable. With a resigned sigh, he walked through the corridor, carefully avoiding the corpses.

He needed to find his lion and bayard. Then, he’d get out of here.

Soon, Lance reached a forked road and frowned.

Which way to turn? None of them felt like the right choice. He didn’t even know where he wanted to go in the first place. How on earth would he know if he should turn left or right?

Let’s try left.

He turned that way and continued down the long corridor. Not like he could make an informed decision at this point.

There were several other turns, and he trusted his gut feeling to direct him. It came to him quicker than usual.

Was he becoming another Keith Kogane? Maybe trusting instincts wasn’t that bad since Keith’s premonitions proved right.

After about five minutes of stumbling through the corridors, Lance noticed a familiar yellow figure on the floor. His breath caught in his throat as he dashed and skidded to his knees, uncaring that they would surely be bruised later. “Hunk?!”

He wasn’t… was he? It couldn’t be!

Fingers shaking, Lance held a hand in front of Hunk’s face.

He felt breath! Hunk was breathing!

He nearly collapsed onto his unconscious friend. “Oh, thank goodness.” He pat Hunk several times. “Hunk? Hunk? Wake up.”

When he didn’t respond, Lance’s heartbeat picked up again. He did a quick check on his friend. Hunk didn’t seem to be sustaining any major injuries. Lance turned his unconscious friend onto his back and checked his breathing closely. It seemed normal.

Nothing about Hunk raised any alarms; his life probably wasn’t in danger. Lance patted Hunk’s head, and reassured that he was fine.

The fact that Hunk was mostly unharmed supported Lance’s theory: the monster only attacked and harmed the Galra. Anyone else was left largely unharmed.

His stomach twisted in sympathy for the monster.

That poor fella. It must have been hurt so, so much for it to want vengeance this badly. His heart ached for the tortured soul of the creature, even if it was a scary monster.

With a grunt, Lance grabbed Hunk’s arm and threw it over his shoulder, hissing in pain.

The glass shards. They shifted in his back, digging into his flesh.

Steeling himself, he tried to stand up but tumbled down after every try. He panted with effort. Lance’s head spun violently and his hand shot to the floor to steady himself. It took a few seconds for the world to wobble back in place.

Maybe he had lost more blood than he thought.

Slowly, he placed Hunk back down before scouring through the corridor and the surrounding rooms. Luckily, there was a trolley nearby. He pushed it beside Hunk before half-rolling, half-lifting him onto it as gently as he could.

Lance had to get back to the lions. He sighed and began to push the trolley. When they arrived at a crossroad, Lance peered down all three corridors. This place was a damn maze. He pursed his lips in thought.

Straight ahead?

Lance grunted as he leaned on the handle of the trolley and pushed forward.

Somehow or another, Lance managed to find the lions quickly but their barriers were activated. He knocked on Yellow’s particle barrier and called, “Hey, buddy. Could you open up?” After a small hum of greeting, the yellow lion lowered its barrier and open its mouth for Lance to trolley Hunk in.

He lifted the large guy with a Herculean effort and propped him up on his seat. As a safety precaution so the other boy wouldn’t go tumbling to the floor when they lifted off, Lance strapped Hunk tight with the seatbelt.

When Lance straightened up, he swore he felt his skin rip further. He hissed in pain. To top it all off, his back felt wet. Whether it was blood or cold sweat, he really didn’t know.

Lance sighed loudly. The damn glass shards. He wanted to reach back and just yank them all out. That, of course, would do nothing but make more blood gush out.

Besides, he had better things to do than make his injuries worse.

Slowly so he wouldn’t aggravate his back, he got off the ship and nodded towards the two lions. “Wait for a sec. I still need to get the bayards and armour and stuff. Keep him safe, ‘kay, big guy?” he said, patting Yellow’s leg. “You too, Red.”

When he sensed the soft rumble of acknowledgement from the two lions, he headed back down the hallway, hoping he’d be just as lucky while finding where the bayards and armour were kept.

Walk straight and a fork right up ahead… Turn right.

He turned and continued staggering through the corridor, sighing.

Just a little more.

He made yet another turn at yet another crossroad. But as he walked round the bend, he was hit by a distinct and unwelcome smell.

The rotting stench.

The more he walked, the closer he got to the laboratory, it seemed. The odour only grew stronger and stronger. Truthfully, he didn’t want to go anywhere near that lab. However, he had a strong unexplainable feeling that this was the right direction, so he didn’t turn back.

When he made a turn again, he saw the swinging doors at the end of the corridor. It was the corridor from before. It was empty, save for the spot near the swinging doors, where a large bulge sat in the dark.

Lance pursed his lips. There was a strong urge to investigate it.

You wouldn’t like what you’d see. No point looking.

He pulled his gaze away, focusing on the walls instead. After walking slightly further, he found himself staring into a room. A quick glance was all Lance needed. He spotted their bayards and armour hanging on hooks that weren’t far from the entrance.

Unlike the corridors that smelt like rotting death, this room already reeked of fresh gruesome kill. It was a literal bloodbath in there and Lance hadn’t even stepped in yet. Fortunately, it was dark. He really didn’t want to see more dead people than he must.

Lance glanced at the piles of bodies in the room and did a quick count. It was the same number of druids that had cornered him a while ago.

With a shudder, he turned away, biting the inside of his cheek. The stuff they did was pretty messed up, but surely they shouldn’t have to go through such violent deaths.

No, they did. They would have used you like an experiment if they hadn’t died.

Lance shook his head to clear it. He didn’t want to dwell on that thought. It was too frightening to think about that while standing amongst piles of corpses.

Get what you need and leave.

He steeled himself, held his breath and stepped through the doorway. Quickly, he grabbed the bayards and armour before darting back out into the corridor. Immediately, he put his helmet back on and switched on the communicator.

“Hey, guys?” he tried. “Anyone online?”

“Wait. Lance?” He heard Keith say in disbelief. “Is that Lance?”

Lance laughed at the little crack in his voice, and his chest warmed up at the familiarity of his teammate’s voice.

“It’s him, isn’t it? It’s Lance!” Pidge screamed. “Quiznak, you’re alive!”

There was a flurry of cheers and screaming and talking all at once. Lance couldn’t catch a word they were saying amongst all the noise. “Guys. You need to talk one by one. Can’t understand a word,” he said, a sigh in his voice.

He dropped to the floor and propped his head up on his knees. Feeling a little cold, Lance hugged his legs tightly. His eyelids were heavy with lethargy.

“Shiro and I lost all contact with you!” Coran yelled first.

“I could sense your lions moving away from Regeunde. But I couldn’t do a single thing!” Allura cried. Her voice was wracked with panic and guilt, trembling violently. “I tried to go back to the castle as fast as I could, but–”

“We couldn’t move out of the base! Security was tight and we had to follow for the sentry’s cycle, so we were moving at snail pace. But we’re heading back in now,” Pidge stuttered. “We’re so sorry!”

“Nah. It’s alright now.” Lance chuckled weakly. “Sorry for worrying you guys.”

“Are you okay though, Lance?” Shiro asked.

“Yeah, ‘m fine. A little beat up, but fine. How long has it been?”

“Three vargas!” Keith shouted.

“Geez… No need to yell… My poor ears, Keith. Definitely felt a lot longer than that though. My throat’s all dry.”

“What happened?” Pidge asked. “And where’s Hunk?”

“Apparently, the druids were ordered to stop Voltron from forming. Got dragged into their ship. Hunk’s knocked out or something. He’s in Yellow so he should be safe. Should still check up on him when we get back,” he mumbled. “They’re definitely planning something. Turns out you were right, huh, Keith?”

There was a curt hum from Keith.

Coran said, his voice more composed than before, “I am able to locate you through your communicator now.”

“Hang in there,” Keith said, firm and reassuring. “We’re nearly in the castle.”

Pidge said, “The Galra will most likely have a plan ready if we come to rescue them. We need to be careful.”

Lance bit his lip. “Whatever they’ve got up their sleeves, it probably won’t work now. The entire ship’s wiped out.” His hands were cold and stiff so he rubbed them together.

“What?”

“I’ll… explain later. I don’t feel good talking about that… now,” he said, glancing around the eerily quiet corridor. “Anyway, I’ll try to move away from the ship in the meantime. In case there’s, like, a booby trap or something.”

“Right,” Allura said. “Do stay safe, Lance.”

“As you wish, princess!” Lance said playfully, even adding a small superfluous bow despite his lack of an audience.

The groans and sighs came nonetheless.  

“Just hurry up,” Keith grumbled.

“Alright! Lance out,” he replied before switching the communicator off.

With sore limbs and an aching back, Lance struggled to get back on his knees. When he did, his eyes were drawn to the large bulge right in front of the swinging doors to the laboratory once again.

It sat there, ominous and unmoving, but Lance couldn’t shake off this lurching feeling in his stomach. He had to look at it. Yet, something in him kept warning him that it wouldn’t be a good idea.

It wasn’t moving anymore. Surely it was dead. Why was he so terrified?

Of course you’re afraid! It’s a body! How could you not be? You should just leave it alone.

No, it wasn’t that he was scared of the body or its death. There was something else about it. Something was very off. If he took a closer look, he should be able figure it out.

But perhaps you are better off not knowing.

Maybe.

Still, Lance found himself inching closer. His heart slammed against his ribcage, and his breath was shallow and fast, not unlike that of a terrified rabbit. He activated his bayard and his breath hitched at the transformation. His hands were tightly curled around the gun as he slid his left foot forward, then his right.

A single look was all it took.

He jerked back. “Ay dios mio,” he breathed.

That bulge. It was mangled, resembling a crumpled paper ball rather than the limbed creature it had been.

But the dark green scales and sharp claws were unmistakable. Its head had been ripped off and was sitting wide-eyed beside the body. Still and unseeing, as though paralysed with shock.

It was the monster from the lab.

Lance broke into a run. With what little strength he had left, he dashed him to the lions— to safety.

He didn’t have the courage to look around now. Not when bodies of the Galra were scattered over the floor— disfigured, mauled, destroyed.

As soon as Lance made it to his lion, he fumbled for the buttons and managed to take off. His legs were jelly and his heart was beating quickly, but whether from running or fear, he didn’t know.

When he tried to sit down, pain spiked through his body. Glass shards. He let out a groan and remained standing.

Lance tapped the button at the side of his helmet. “Hey, guys. How much longer are you gonna take?”

“We’re almost there, Lance,” Allura’s calm voice came in. “Wait for us outside the ship. We should be there in a tick.”

“Okay. Thanks, ’llura,” Lance mumbled as he shuffled his weight to his other foot and switched the intercom off. He was way more exhausted than he had thought. “Okay, Red, m’ buddy,” he said. “We gotta drag Yellow and Hunk out. We should be able to reach the rest that way.”

Lance managed to complete that task with a combination of nudging and tugging and dying noises. As soon as they were out, the space in front of their lions folded into itself, and the Castle of Lion winked into existence.

He heaved a huge sigh of relief. His legs buckled and he barely caught himself in time.

Careful!

As he lowered himself, he was careful not to hurt his back any further and lay on his side, tired and sleepy. Every part of his body was aching.

He felt Red being dragged and he looked up to see Blue pushing him and the black lion grabbing Yellow with its massive jaws. By the time Red had landed securely in the castle, Lance was curled into a foetal position. His eyelids were closed and he could feel himself slipping. He managed to open his eyes enough to see the interior of the hangar.

Just a short nap. After that, he’d wake up to make sure Hunk was fine. His eyelids fluttered shut again.

A loud “Lance!” woke him.

Someone touched his shoulder and he hissed in pain. The hand was quickly removed.

“Oh gods. Lance? Are you awake?” Allura asked, tapping his arm frantically. “Please be awake.”

“Hm?”

She let out an audible sigh of relief. Her voice grew a little distant as she turned away from him to speak into her intercom. “Tell Coran to ready the operation table. Bring a stretcher to Red’s Hanger. Lance has lost a lot of blood.” After a brief moment of silence, Allura’s voice was directed to Lance again. “Alright, stay awake. Open your eyes,” she said.

“’m sleepy, princess. And everything kinda hurts,” he mumbled. “Gimme five more minutes.”

“Lance, stay with me. Just open your eyes a little longer,” Allura said as she conducted a check on Lance’s body.

With a groan, Lance forced his eyes open. His vision was blurry for a moment. Then, his eyes found iridescent blue ones and locked on to them. “Y’know, princess, your eyes are really pretty,” he blurted. “Anyone told y’ that? Like jewels.”

“Alright, Lance,” Allura said absently as she ran her hands over his limbs to check for wounds. She let out a soft curse when she saw his arms. “Do you know how badly you’re injured?”

“I know I have glass in my back,” Lance replied.

“Glass?!” Allura cried.

He tried to turn to let Allura see it, but the movement sparked a sharp pain through him and he let out a gasp, too tired to do any more than that. “Ah, fudge ball,” he whimpered. “Didn’t hurt so much jus’ now…”

“Did you jostle it while on the lion?” Allura peered over his shoulder and winced. “Oh, this is much worse than I thought. There’s so much– Why didn’t you say anything?”

Lance shrugged slightly, causing more pain to spike through him like an electric current. He dropped his head against the floor and breathed heavily, trying to steady himself.

Stay awake. She wants you to stay awake.

But surely a short little nap would be fine–

“Lance!” Allura called again. “Stay awake, alright? Stay awake. Help is coming.” She placed a reassuring hand on the back of his.

Lethargically, Lance nodded but he was losing focus. When he found himself staring at blobs of blurry colours, he shook his head and tried to concentrate on Allura.

“’s Hunk okay?” he asked.

“What? Oh. Keith and Coran are attending to him right now.”

“But is he oka–”

“Princess Allura!” Shiro’s voice came. “I have the stretcher.” His worried face hovered above Lance’s. “Hey, Lance. Hang in there.” Shiro gave him his worried-dad smile and Lance returned it with a tired one.

Allura hoisted Lance up and placed him on his side on a stretcher.

“Make sure he does not roll. His back is full of glass. We do not want it to be pushed in any further,” she told Shiro as they strapped Lance securely to the stretcher.

Just as he began to close his eyes, she pat his cheek. “Stay awake, please.”

“As you wish, princess,” Lance mumbled with a quirk of his lips.

Quickly, the two of them carried Lance out of the lion. They ran into Keith, who had just sprinted over from the direction of the infirmary. He matched the pace of Shiro and Allura as he gave them a quick rundown. “Hunk’s fine. Coran ran a check on him in the healing pod. Only bruised and slightly concussed. Nothing too bad. Put him in the healing pod for about two vargas and he’ll be fine.”

“That’s good,” Lance muttered.

Keith shot him a look filled with both rage and worry.

Lance gave him a sheepish grin.

With a groan, Keith squeezed his eyes shut and tore his attention away from Lance. He turned back to Shiro. “The operation room and Coran are free. Pidge prepared the room and some blood bags already.”

“Good,” Shiro replied.

They reached the operation table. As Shiro laid Lance onto the operation table, Allura explained the situation to Coran, “There are multiple glass shards in his back and burns to his arms.”

“Can I sleep now?” Lance mumbled. No one seemed to hear him over the loud clangs of preparation and rapid dissemination of information and instructions.

Try to stay awake.

But he was so, so exhausted.

Just a little bit longer.

Lance still found his eyes blinking slower.

“First degree burns, I believe,” Allura continued. “Multiple wounds to his arms and legs. Blade wounds. I can’t see much of his skin beneath the suit, but there seem to be many bruises.” She pulled at a cut in the suit and exposed some of Lance’s skin to Coran.

Coran winced. “He’s very pale. He must have lost a lot of blood.”

Eyelids heavy, Lance let himself slowly drift away. No one was replying him anyway. “G’night,” Lance mumbled, closing his eyes.

For some reason, Lance was aware that he was in a dream. He wondered if this was one of those lucid dreams Rachel had once talked about. He had never had one before. However, something felt a little different. Because this dream… didn’t feel like his.

His movements weren’t fully under his control. It was as if his actions and feelings and thoughts while in this state were shared with someone else.

In the dream, he was in the druid’s lab again. This time, he was in a jar on the shelf. It was difficult to see anything outside the jar. There was a white rectangle, probably a jar label, obscuring his vision. Behind him was a white wall, and to his sides were similar jars.

Each jar contained a blue and green creature that looked like half-developed foetus, except with a long tail that was twice the length of their body. They had small jagged mouths and two pairs of beady eyes. The twitch of their eight legs, and the slow movement of their feelers were the only indicators that they weren’t dead as they floated about in liquid.

Though they didn’t look alive to Lance either.

When Lance focused on the reflection on his glass jar, he realised he looked just like them. His wrinkly skin was dark green with splashes of bright blue.

His eyes travelled to the creature on his right, who had the most brilliant shade of green on the tip of their tail. They looked rather lethargic with their feelers drooping and head slightly bowed. As though sensing someone watching, they lifted their head, and beady eyes looked back at Lance. Despite never meeting such a creature before, Lance recognised their small tail movement as a greeting. He returned the gesture politely and watched as the other creature shook with joy, a momentary relief from the tense lifeless atmosphere of the room.

Then, there was a click. With a flick of his tail, Lance swirled in the jar and peeked through a thin gap under the jar label. An involuntary shudder ran through him.

Druids.

They got to work. Some prepared the laboratory table and equipment, but Lance’s attention was drawn to the druid approaching the shelf he was on.

His eyes made contact with the creature on his right again. Their tail shivered as they floated backwards in the fluid. Fear.

He glanced around. Everyone else was shaking in terror. He looked forward again to see the druid considering them all as though they were canned soup at a supermarket.

The druid’s arm loomed in Lance’s direction. With a squeak, Lance squeezed his eyes shut and curled into a ball. For several seconds, nothing happened. He worked up the courage to open his eyes again.

The spot on his right was empty. Alarm surged through his body, and he launched himself to the side of the jar. The druid was walking towards the table with a jar in hand.

A flicker of brilliant green.

“Fivirion!” The name slipped from his mouth. The name associated with that beautiful shade of green, something in his mind supplied.

Fivirion swivelled in the jar, and their eyes stared into his. Fivirion was frozen in place.

There was a violent, wrenching tug in Lance’s gut. As if there were millions more memories between them, and this was the final sliver of a moment left that they could ever share.

Lance felt his body press against the glass of jar and his voice screaming Fivirion’s name over and over and over.

A druid twisted the jar open, and Fivirion was poured into a light blue tray. There was sufficient light for Lance to catch their silhouette in the tray, flickering and writhing about frantically.

“Vree! Vree!” they screamed, and Lance felt his voice yell with greater urgency, “Fivirion!”

He moved back and slammed against the front of his jar. His heart was beating a thousands beats per second. He was on the verge of combusting with panic. Desperate, he swished in his jar and jumped to hit the jar cap.

It wouldn’t budge.

Fivirion’s screams morphed into a screech. Lance plunged to the bottom of the jar to look through the gap.

The druid used a pair of tweezers to seize Fivirion. Dread wracked through Lance’s body with fearful familiarity, despite never having seen it before. The druid swished Fivirion in the liquid of the tray for several seconds. When he was done, they were no longer screaming.

There was the occasional defiant twitch. But the druid had them under control.

The druid picked up a small needle and drove it into them and Fivirion spasmed for several seconds before falling deathly still again.

Lance pressed his body against the glass jar again, a sense of defeat washing over him.

A large creature was rolled into the lab. It was heavily sedated, its eyes only open a fraction, allowing its bright orange eyes to peep through. Its huge furry body slumped heavily against the cage it was in.

Lance felt faint. His breathing was heavy and his head felt light.

The druids opened the top of the cage and shoved the creature about roughly as they readied it for their procedure. When it was hooked onto a monitor and several tubes, they began the operation.

They shaved the back of its head and carefully made a small hole in it. Using the pair of tweezers, they picked Fivirion up and inserted them into the creature’s skull.

By this point, Lance could watch no longer. He curled into himself and squeezed his eyes shut.

He’d be lying if he said he knew what exactly was going on.

But he knew it was very wrong. The millions of indecipherable feelings, which welled up inside him and made his feelers shrivel, told him so.

[third3yeblonde]

thoughts for today..

So, it’s pretty late in the evening here. Trying to get myself to start winding down. Although you and I both know how much of a struggle that is for me.. LOL. I’ve already considered doing a deep clean of my room.. It’s gotten pretty bad and I haven’t really done it since I moved in here 2 years ago... Yeah, clutter. Clutter EVERYWHERE because I’m a pack rat and never and I do mean never throw anything away. Memories, you know? But, maybe I need to start learning how to let some of those go.. kind of cleanse my surroundings so I can cleanse my soul. Rid myself of the baggage I carry around all the time. Heavy shit too.. I’ve been told I’m pretty hard on myself and I know it’s true but.. It’s hard to just, not expect so much more of myself when I should be looking for ways to cope and acamodate (sp?) myself I ridicule and put myself down or just straight ignore the fact that I know I may need extra help here and there with life things.. enough to where I just struggle on my own until I break down eventually.. I gotta work on that for sure. I’m going to start writing posts on here every day if I can, but I”m not going to set an impossible goal once again so, you’ll see something from me semi often I hope. Just to kinda get things out of my head and onto some kind of outlet/platform. I’m no artist, I can’t sing or write songs, I dont really exercise, I don’t do planners, I don’t do anything to let things go, let things out. I could just start randomly screaming I guess, but that may become alarming to some, So writing it is, or well, typing it is, Seeing as unfortunately I cannot write with a pen/pencil on paper anymore without my hand starting to cramp up after less than a page of hand writing,, it kills me to have to do this because I love the simple art of writing in a notebook with a new favorite pen and smelling the ink on paper.. but oh well, this will do. :/ enough depressing stuff though, today was okay I guess. It’s my last day off of the week and I got to spend it in court this morning, .Luckily things went how I’d hoped. I got an extention on my community service due date. Just a week, but that gives me time to finish the 11 out of 15 hours I have left. Hopefully I can anyways work around my work schedule. I work 4 out of the 7 days of the week. Hopefully soon to be 5 so I can start making some real money. I’m so excited for my first full paycheck (2 weeks worth of hours). I’m going to feel rich, it’s the most I’ve ever really made somewhere and I”m stoked to see the results of my hard work. I’ve really been busting my ass at this new job. Its another housekeeping position but at a sort of new place. I’m full time @ the La Quinta Inn and Suites now. Cleaning rooms.. fun fun fun. But its a job and an easy one at that, .Well, maybe a little physically taxing but I need that forced bit of exercise every day. I’ve been gaining weight again so this will slim down a smidge. Not that I really want to lose weight I just don’t want to sit around like a blob anymore. I’ve also been doing a lil side hustle.. it’s risky but it getting me through this last gap of no check until next week. I have help, but I think I”m okay at it myself. It’s also not very hard.. just risky if youre not smart about yourself. So i try to be as not dumb as possible in this business. The consequences are more than I’m really willing to face. But, if that day was to ever come of course I would face it. Aint no fuck shit in this bitch. I unlike a lot of people I know really knows and practices respect and loyalty. I wish some people could really see that and appreciate it for what it is... but oh well, thats a song I need to stop singing.. a broken record I’ve got to quit playing. If he loved me, I know where he would be,. and he’s not there so.. that tells me all I need to know. Or it should, I’m just stubborn and really honestly still want to hang on.. I really don’t know why. Matt says Stockholm Syndrome.. I kind of can believe that to be plausible.. just sucks knowing that that is what I had to come to accept as love.. because that’s all he knows how to show it.. and I knew the things I had to endure were worth it because, it meant he cared about me. He hurt me the most because he loved me the most... right? Ha.. yeah, right.. I miss him every day still, I can’t tell you why or how I can still say that and truly mean it but I do. I miss the good times..  I even sometimes miss the attention that came with the not so bad times.. the bad times though, I don’t miss. And wouldnt wish on anyone that has so much love for someone that continuously tries to intimidate, hurt, embarrass or punish them so they can feel big.. I would do anything for him. I did do anything for him.. Every day... And I still would would it not be for his habit of being physically and mentally abusive on a daily basis.. I wish he never had to go through the things that made him into the kind of man he is today. I wish no one had to.. I wish someone had been there to show him real love, to protect him, to give him a real childhood.. to not have it robbed from him at such a young fragile stage in his development as a person.. I wish that I could have loved the bad away. I tried so hard to love his pain away, his past, his rage.. I tried so so hard to show him what real love was. What it really felt like but.. He didn’t know what to do with it when I had such a compulsion to give it all I had. To give him all of me, every ounce of my being I wanted him to know I used to love him with. My heart beat for him, the blood in my veins still runs so hot for him and his touch.. His eyes on me.. the way his hands felt on me,. All over me.. the way his kiss felt all the way down my body.. teasing me in the end. Making the anticipation eat me alive before finally relieving me of my yearning.. letting me have all that I wanted of him.. It was so much about that though, so much of my love for him stemmed for the passion I felt for him during those times,, And I fell so hard for him physically.. It’s so crazy.. but thats how he works. That;s how he gets you. Really any woman.. but goodness.... I know it was real with me. And no one can tell me otherwise. How hard he’d give it to me.. How deep he would go.. making me feel like I’d become a part of him and he of me.. Him making just as much noise as I did.. not being able to contain his pleasure in what he was doing to me.. How good it felt.. grabbing my hair from behind me and gripping harder with every stroke.. ugh.. telling me when he wanted me to cum for him.. and goddamn did that make me lose it. Worked like a charm everytime that hot breath in my ear with those words.. that demand.. to show just how much control he had over my body in those moments. His voice.. fuck.. rough and low.. me responding with shakes all throughout my body as that pleasure pulsed through my entirety.. over and over again. Making me say his name amidst the cussing I always let out when I’m being railed right.. god bless america.. well this turned into something entirely different than what I had anticipated but.. I can dig it. LOL wonder how much content I could come with that would actually be acceptable as something worth reading,. God bless. Now I’m sitting here all uncomfortably hot and bothered. I wish he’d come fuck me one last time,. making sure I never forget who did it right.. always.. who changed my life in soooo many ways; not even just in hed either but i won’t get too emotional about it right now. Theres absolutely no excuse for the way he got me wrapped aroumd his finger.. Using sex as a bribe worse than candy for a fucking baby..Anyways,. this is probaly a pretty good stopping point. I’ll never understand how he could pick her over the shit we do .. but ohh well.. It hurts less and less everytime I’ve been reminded which gets less and less often as each day passes.. Okay, goodnight everybody.  

[deadimagineblog]

Trouble Comes In Threes (Triplet!AU) (1/?)

Modern!AU, College!AU. This is my first triplet AU post but I'm gonna give it my best! Its start off with just Ben Solo, but will end with Matt and in the next chapter Kylo as well, so bare with me I promise! Fem!S/O just so you know! There will be smut NSFW, but not in this part. So lets start!

Part One!

° You sat behind the counter of your coffee shop job, long hair up and glinting wonderfully under the warm lighting hanging above. However, your face was anything the shining welcoming look of a barista that day. It had been rough, your car had broken down on the way to work, so your legs were sore from the walk there. You had gotten a text from your parent of a letter you had gotten from your "first choice" college. A rejection letter. Now the wait was on from your second choice college. Upon texting your boyfriend about the news, he explained long distance wouldn't work so the relationship was over. A text, classy. Now you waited for the shift to finally be over. It was almost over though, only a half an hour left. There was one joy that couldn't be taken away from you, and you smiled gently as you saw him pull up on his bike, grin on his face as he pulled open the door.

° Ben Solo, thank christ like a sign from some lord to just hold on. The day was almost over. He wasn't a friend, but a friendly regular that at least knew how to put a smile on that sour puss of a face you probably wore that day. Your smile must have been different than any other day because he stopped as he looked at you.

° "Uh oh, who do I have to beat up?" His voice greeted you and you shook your head as you begin to make his usual coffee. "Ben, you would just not believe the day I've had today," you began as you began combining ingredients to make his coffee. It was something the two of you had perfected, sweet but mature. Creamy but also still packed a powerful punch. Kind of like good old Ben.

° "Good thing I've got today off! Tell me all about it, kid," he stated, making himself at home by coming plopping into the comfy chair that was next to the counter. The two of you went to school together but never really talked to one another, but when you got your job at this coffee shop, he had been quick to work his schedule his daily coffee run around your schedule with the business. No one knew what he ordered. He wore a frown as he heard you sigh quietly as you placed the lid of his coffee cup in and moved around the counter to hand him the drink. He patted the chair next to him and you sat beside him. All the closing chores were done then, you were just waiting to lock the door. It wouldn't hurt to sit for the last 25 minutes.

° "Where to I begin? Well first my car wouldn't start this morning. So I had to make the walk here. Luckily I made it on time," you started as you looked at him rest his elbow on the arm of the chair and his chin in his hand as he looked at you. "Then I got a text from my mom saying I didn't get into UCLA. Which I kind of figured, since I took a year off it doesn't look good. But I wasn't expecting Andrew to break up with me over it," you hummed in amusement at your own life as Ben looked utterly offended.

° "What an asshole!" Ben almost yelled and you shrugged. "Gets better Ben, he did it over text," you finished and then he did yell, "What the fuck! Oh man, I'm so sorry Y/N. But that offer for dinner still stands," he added with a wiggle of his eyebrows. He chuckled as he saw you roll your eyes before he sipped the coffee.

° "Thanks but I think I'll stay single until I find out what I college I end up heading to," you retorted with a snort of a laugh, "I'm hoping to find a nice sorority girl," you teased to which he responded with "That'd be pretty hot to be honest."

° "What college are you hoping for? Did you have a second choice?"

° "Gon Jinn University, they have a Philosophy program I'm really interested in, plus they offered me a full ride, I just need to get the go ahead letter," you stated as you got up from the chair and began making your own coffee to drink on your walk home. He seemed to perk up.

° "Hey thats where my brothers go, and I got my acceptance letter yesterday so yours should be there too soon," he assured you with that air of kindness that he was so good at radiating off of him.

° "I didn't know you had brothers," you stated honestly, peeking at him over the coffee machine, "They as handsome as you?" You teased him again and he snorted.

° " They wish. You went to school with them too, Y/N. Kylo and Matt? Matt has curly blonde hair and glasses. He was in AP classes too, you should have seen him once or twice at least. Kylo is the big bad boy of the family. He was in Psychology like you were," he looked at you over the coffee machine and he could see the confusion and could see you shrug your shoulders and rolled his own eyes this time. "I swear to god, I'm not sure how you made it through school without getting hit by a car or something, you're so oblivious," he laughed. You stuck your tongue out at him but laughed with him as you both made pleasant conversation for the rest of the time before you closed up shop. He walked out the door with you, still talking on and on about his major he was interested in, Engineering. It was mostly static noise to you, but he was obviously passionate about it. As you were about to say goodbye to him he cut you off.

° "Want a ride? Its a two seater." He offered with a wiggle of his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes.

"I'm fine Ben, but thank you."

"Come on, maybe I can help you with your car? You've already had a long day, let me help you out," he cooed before unlocking his bike and pushing up the kickstand. He swung up his long leg over the seat and took a hand and patted the room behind him. You looked at it then at him. However, your legs did really hurt. The thought of walking home was almost enough to make you cry. You pulled your purse over your shoulder and nodded as you sat behind him, hands gripping his shirt as he began to peddle away from your coffee shop.

°"Where do you live?" He asked over his shoulder. You leaned up and told him and he looked a little surprised. "Oh I know where that is. I'll get us there," he stated, a small smirk on his lips which made you suspicious but you decided to trust him. He made pleasant enough conversation, asking about your choice in major and you explained it happily, suddenly seeming to glow as you explained it. Everyone knew you were brilliant, but Ben sometimes seemed to get it more than others. He could act like a jughead some(a lot of)times, but you had gotten to appreciate the knowledge in that big head of his, plus having someone to keep up with you was so refreshing. As you got more comfortable with riding with him, your hands had moved from holding his shirt to wrap around his waist and chin resting on his shoulder. You asked about somethings about him, about his family and his brothers but he quickly changed the subject from that topic. So you both asked questions about each other. Favorite color, favorite type of music and books and movies.

°"What's your favorite scent? Like food or perfume or even something like trees or flowers?" You asked with interest, eyes looking at his strong features as he thought about it. He was actually very handsome. Such strong features and sometimes he'd catch you looking and he had a smile that could be described as completely contagious and you'd smile back.

° "I like natural smells. Like cedar or campfires or pine or rain on rocks. That kind of stuff. What about you?"

° You answer and he nods before he asked the next question. That was how the ride went. The two of you laughed easily together and both could be playful with one another. It was surprising the two of you hadn't connected in high school, but that was probably for the best, the two of you probably would have gotten expelled. A friendship between the two of you would be trouble in all the fun ways. Suddenly though you were home. You hoped off his bike and stretched, him propping the bike up on the sidewalk as you saw your car in the driveway.

° "Lets see what I can do," he stated, and you quickly shake your head.

"No its okay Ben, I'm sure you want to go home too," you stated quickly but he waved you off.

"I don't leave that far, kid. It won't take me long to get there. Let's see of I can get this thing to turn over," he stated, looking at your beater car. It was already in such bad shape, you had been saving up to buy a new one, but it would be hard to split with your first car. There were great memories in there. You opened thr driver side door and popped the hood for him and out of habit you went to go check the mailbox even though your mom must have already looked to see the letter from the college. However inside there were a small stack of letters. She must have been looking for that letter for you and didn't grab the rest of the mail.

° You take the small stack of envelopes into your hand and look through them casually before you see the othet letter you had been waiting for. There was a moment of panic in your stomach as you set the letters on top of your car and looked at the envelope. Ben looked up to see you looking at the letter. He stood up straight and looked at it with you. "Just the go ahead right?"

° "I'm just worried because I took a year off. What if they don't want me anymore?" You asked yourself more than him. He shrugged, "I took a year off too, and they accepted me." You nodded but added, "Its been that kind of day though, and bad things usually happen in 3s, right?" He took the letter into his hands.

° "Want me to open it?" He asked, and watched as you nodded. It seemed silly, to be afraid of a damn letter, but you couldn't help but be nervous. He took a finger and opened the letter gently, putting the envelope to the side and unfolding the paper inside. He read it out loud for you. "Dear Miss Y/L/N. Thank you for your interest in Gon Jinn University," he paused, giving a small but sad looking smile, "Unfortunately, We regret to inform you that..." He paused again and took a deep breath, "That you will be stuck with one Ben Solo because you are going to school with him," he smirked but quickly laughed as a hand came and swatted his chest, "Ow, hey," he complained but saw that megawatt smile on your face as you leaned on the car and sighed a happy sigh. "Ready for your 3rd bad thing?" He asked, handing you your acceptance and leaning on the car next to you. "Your transmission is shot." "Oh."

° The two of you talked for a little while longer before you thanked him for the ride home and looking at the car for you. He smiled and waved as he got on his bike. But something was strange, he only rode across the street to the house that belonged to Miss Organa, your next door neighbor. You narrowed your eyes in confusion as he got off his bike and walked over to the garage. He opened it and parked his bike inside and waved again. "See you tomorrow neighbor!" Ben yelled and you looked completely surprised as he shut the garage door and you heard him laughing.

° The rest of the summer was spent getting ready to leave. You spent warm nights on the back of Ben's bike until you finally found the right parts to fix your car and then you put Ben's bike in the trunk and gave him rides home every night.

° "You're going to make me fat if you keep denying me my riding rights!"with a curt response of "You're literally built like a brick shithouse, Ben. Shut up."

° Even your parents would began to have late night talks with his mother while their children would hang out in your garage. "My boys are going to be nothing but trouble for your girl," Miss Organa would say with a laugh while your laughters could be heard rattling the walls.

° You really did like the man, he had you laughing till you had tears rolling down your cheeks. But sometimes there would be nights where he would proudly admit his newest conquest, meaning the next tail he would be chasing. So you knew that there was not much of a future despite his constant asks for dates. Which you were okay with, there was something about the way he would grow soft when talking about your pasts, your hopes, and your dreams. You had told yourself that you were so happy with this new friendship you had gotten from this man.

° You two waved goodbye to your parents, long hugs from your mothers, you even getting a deep hug from Leia, "Make sure my boys get home for the holidays will you, Y/N?" You promised that you would physically drag them if you had too. Ben pushed his belongs into your trunk and had packed you both a cooler filled with drinks and bags of chips and slim jims and sweets. You shoved your belongings into the back seat and suddenly you two were both off. It was a two day drive, going straight through. The drive was filled with laughs, staring at the stars on the hood of the car when you stopped to eat or see something cool you were driving past. Picture opportunities that were taken every time there was a chance.

° It was interesting to watch him sleep when it was your turn to drive. To see him curl up on the seat and his black hair fall over his face. He breathed in deep rhythmic motions. He looked almost... innocent. Which you knew that was definitely not the case, but it was almost convincing. In other times when you were in the passenger seat, in a deep sleep, Ben drove slower, making sure not to wake you up. Occasionally, you could feel a phantom hand push some hair out of your face, and in sleep, you would move closer to the touch, fingers grazing over your forehead gently. But the hand would move away, a soft chuckle replacing it.

° "I am sure happy that I have you, Y/N," his voice would be that soft sweet tone he would use when talking about something he cared about.

° 5 days later, you slackers arrived at the college, your hand moving to his shoulder and shaking him awake. Sleepy brown eyes opened and he sat up in the seat, rubbing the sleep away with his large hands while you leaned over the steering wheel to take in the expansive college grounds. It was so green, the buildings aged tan bricks, the windows iridescent with sun stains and years of wear on them. Ben looked uninterested in the buildings until he saw his dorm building he suddenly got excited.

° "Come on, help me move in and scope out your future victims," he teased, making you scowl at him playfully before you pull in and park the car in front of the large building. "Matty is supposed to be in this building too. Maybe you can meet him," Ben stated hopefully. You rose your eyebrows in interest as you pulled out his duffel bagged that he had stuffed all his clothing in and he laughed as he watched you struggle to put the strap over your shoulder but he quickly took it from you and throw it over his shoulder. He picked up pretty much everything except two boxes which you handled as you both climbed the stairs. You watched as men walked past you, your eyes betraying you as some made deliberate eye contact with you. Do men usually walk around with no shirts on like this? You smiled mischeviously at some, but when you turned back around you would see Ben stopped looking you with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

° "Honey why don't you ever smile at me like that?" He asked, faking a hurt tone."Shut up, Ben."

° You finally made it to his room number, him opening the door and dropping his stuff down the bed that was in there. There were no other beds or bodies in the room. "You don't have a roomie?" You asked curiously. "Guess not. That's good, that means I don't have to worry about sharing anything with anybody. I can unpack by myself, lets go get your stuff into your dorm," he stated and you smirked.

° "Afraid of what I'll find in those boxes, Benny boy?" He responded in a mysterious whisper, "Shush shush, I have to keep some secrets, Y/N."

° As they walked out of his new room, they heard a small voice come from behind them. "Ben?" Ben turned around and it was like he teleported from his spot next to you to suddenly hugging someone tightly. "Matty! Its good to see you. Damn you're looking thick, son. You been working out?" Ben teased the man he was hugging.

° "Very funny, Ben," the man laughed gently. You peeked around your large friend to see blonde curls but that was all you could make out right then until Ben finally moved away so that you could see the man he was talking to. He looked almost exactly like Ben. Beauty marks scattered his features and he had the same strong nose and full lips. The same brown eyes, but surrounding them were thick glasses. The hair was really throwing you off, but you suddenly recognized the man. You did have classes with him, in fact you remember being partnered on projects with him. He was timid but highly intelligent, a wizz with electronics.

° "Oh Matt, this is Y/N. Kid, this is my brother Matt," Ben introduced his brother politely. Matt looked at you and smiled warmly.

° "I remember Y/N. How have you been?" The man asked politely. You responded with a smile. "Been good, been busy trying to get ready to start."

° "I can understand that. I'm still trying to get the books I need for this year's classes. Speaking of which I am in the middle of finishing some things up, we are still going to dinner tonight right, Ben?" Matt asked his brother, who nodded in earnest. "Yes, Kylo still hasn't answered me about it, but I'll drag him along too."

° "That would be nice, he's been busy with prepping for classes for the professor. Did he tell you that he got that assistant teacher job he was trying to get?" Matt asked and Ben answered with a roll of his eyes. "He didn't even tell me he was trying to do that. Thats okay, I'll catch up with him tonight. Mom wants me to pass along a slap for not calling her on her birthday," Ben stated firmly but clapped Matt on the shoulder, who almost fell over from the sheer force of it. "But Matty, I'll catch up with you later, we have to get Y/N's stuff to her dorm." Matt nodded and Ben moved back over to your side.

° "It was good seeing you, Matt. Hope we can hang out and catch up soon," you stated and Matt looked at Ben confused. But Ben quickly began to lead you away as you smiled warmly at Matt and waved in goodbye. A trip back to the car with you beginning to call out Ben, "I thought you were going exploring tonight, Ben?" You asked curiously, tone sarcastic. It didn't really bother you that he made other plans, but opportunities like this were rare to act like you were pissy with him. "I just hadn't gotten the chance to ask if you if you'd like to hang out with me and my brothers tonight is all! I just wanted to ask you if you'd run interference. Sometimes me and Kylo can get heated when we're together, but if you're there he won't act out." Ben explained, holding all your stuff in his arms and you holding open the door of your dorm building open for him. You lead the way up the stairs as you responded to him. "I can do that. As long as you're buying." He nodded quickly and smiled. "Thanks, kid. I really appreciate it." He dropped your stuff off in your room, and helped you unpack some of your things. It wasn't until you both decided to take a shower after 5 days of straight car ride, it was time to rinse off and get settled in.

°"Meet you at the car at 5:30?" He asked and you nodded with a smile. "Yeah I'll see you then." You shut the door on him as you begin to dig out your shower stuff and get ready to go out. The first brother wasn't bad at all, so you assumed the second brother would be fine as well, despite Ben's worry.

[fantasy9nation]

[PROJECT] FANTASY SURVEY COMMENT REPLIES

Thank you all for submitting in your comments! We’re truly grateful for all of them so I’m gonna reply to them here! I apologise if I miss out your comment! Thank you to all who are supporting and sending love to us!

bless you bless you too fren

You guys are doing amazing. Keep up the hard work ❤ thank you so much for supporting us!

i love u! love you too~~

I love your blog it's my go to blog when i want sf9 updates! thank you so much! sorry if we are a bit late with updates!

I think the blog is great exactly how it is and have a great day/night !! thank you lots! have a wonderful day/night yourself~ 

I'm a new follower but I love this blog already! You guys do a really good job of avoiding whitewashed pictures, at least from what I've seen, and you post a good variety of the members rather than a ton of just one at a time. we just share the pictures the fansite masters post without editing as it isn't allowed and we respect them :) and thank you!

Thank you for always providing quick updates on the boys! I really enjoy this blog and I hope you guys have fun running it (: Fighting! thank you for your support!!! <3

You guys are doing so great thank you for all your hard work ilysm ❤❤❤ thank you so much!! we love u too <3 

Translations of tweets would be convenient? But not necessary its a really nice blog already :) we’ll try to add translations on all of them!

you guys run the blog amazingly and i love all the work and effort you all have put into it !! thank you so much! your support means a lot to us and it motivates us to do better!!

Keep being awesome :) Thanks for your hard work! thank you for your support~~ :D

Keep being awesome! you too!

You're doing an amazing job! Keep up the great work! thank you so much!!! <3

Maybe change the theme? I know it's too much work but yeah it's an suggestion i changed it again recently but I realised it has no search bar :/ I change the theme of the blog during sf9 comebacks 

i love u guys :) we love you too :)

Maybe just be a little faster but the speed of updates is perfectly understandable. we will try our best in the midst of schedules and wild timezones :) 

:) ;) 

I would prefer it if the way preview photos were sourced was different, if you click on the gear button on the top right there’s a place where you can link the content source and you just put the fansites url in there!! the link to the source then comes up on the bottom left of the post. but that’s just my personal taste bc i run an fy blog too, feel free to post as you already do!! another thing would be what photos are put together in posts, like sometime i feel they don’t match ? but anyway thank you for running a great blog!! love you guys keep up the hard work!! we are now using that method! thank you for your suggestion and support! we will try our best to continue running the blog!

hi ily guys and youre doing an amazing job! we love you too and thank you!! 

I think the team is great and I think you all work hard, and I'd just like to thank you for your work and tell you to keep it up! thank you so much it means a lot to us!! :D

Good job on running the blog! it makes me super happy and ilyall a lot for running it <3 eat healthy and stay in good health!! thank you for loving the blog! we hope that you're always healthy and happy as well!!

Great job for always updating us!! thank you!! :3

keep up the work and thank you! thank you to you too!! <3

Keep it up sweethearts! thank you angel <3

You guys are doing amazing keep up the good work guys ilysm ❤❤❤ thank you so much!! we love you too❤

I think it would be better if you guys posted previews before posting any hq of a certain day! bc it gets confusing when you go through a tag of a day and there are previews after hqs if that makes sense? i run an fy blog and if there are already hqs before i've posted all the previews i just save the hqs as drafts and then post them after posting all the previews! But i love that you guys work so hard with this blog and us fantasies appreciate it! Love you guys <3 we will try to!! thank you so much!! :D ❤

you guys are doing the work of lord here. thanks for the updates. yea man theres 6 people here and we can barely keep up :’) thank you!!

Thank you for all of your hard work!! thank you for your support~~

everything is great!! y'all keep us all well fed!! thank you so much!! well you should thank sf9 they’re basically feeding us everything anyway

Since I don’t run an SF9 blog I don’t have much content of them on my tumblr dash so you guys fill the sf9 emptiness nicely :))) Don’t get stressed you guys are doing a great job!!! thats nice to hear~~ thank you so much for loving our blog!! 

Just keep doing you boo♡ back at you boo❤

I love your blog!! I'm not someone who sends asks/messages a lot so I don't interact with others often but all of you are doing great 💕💕 thank you so much!! I'm so glad you sent a comment to us! <3

You guys do a great job of keeping us informed, and I really appreciate it! thank you so much love!! we apologise for late updates!

everything is great!! y'all keep us all well fed!! thank you so much!! well you should thank sf9 they’re basically feeding us everything anyway

i do like the way u guys post updates and stuff but i think its better if you dont tag the fansite in previews so that the tag is just their hqs? also if u could post all of their twitter posts including videos bc theyre very funny and cute :)) very sorry but i cant be sure about that, we try not to post too much previews and focus mainly on hqs so its easier to navigate and we hope u understand! our fandom is not big and we try to give more credit to the fansites as much as possible! and i also apologise for that because we don't post their twitter vids and we won't be doing so :(

This is just my opinion/preference but I think sometimes you post too many fantakens in one post, if it's more than 2-3 I usually won't want to reblog it. the most photos we group in a post is 4 and its standard, its hard and takes too much time to post one or two in a post :( and since there are 9 members we have to coordinate the blog well and all of us are busy too so we hope you understand! we respect you opinion too and we will try to do it! 

I’m also going to clarify something: this blog never started as a fyeah and never will be. we apologise if we don’t operate like how other fyeah blogs do. this blog’s aim is to share more about sf9 and allow a platform for FANTASYs to have a greater understanding of each other, the fandom and sf9 themselves through various projects and our posts. we are not as formal as other fyeah blogs and we update at our own flexibility, and you can constantly get in touch with the team through this blog and not through our main blogs. i started this blog so many people could get to know sf9 and i really love the boys with my whole heart so we hope you understand! thank you for all your support again!!

[kyifucius]

so theres been a lot going on in this smol head of mine.

I dont make this kinds of post regularly, just therapy isn't working out how I would like and im feeling like i can have somewhat clear thoughts right now so im gonna try and jot them down in the least tiring least confusing way possible. (using the 6 components of health as my guide) CW: eating disorder talk, trauma mention (no details), transphobia mention, gender talk, love talk.

Tbh, im gonna start looking for new therapist so if this comes out well ill just use this as an about me rn (because I can be different later)

Physical:

I feel fine, Im okay, trying to fix the damage my bulimia did to my body, I’ve seen a dentist, that had much less than desirable news given to me on that front (but things will be okay seeing as my school gives free dental care to its students). Bulimia is still its own hell hole but ill get to that in emotional health. Other than that, I still dont really eat on a tight or strict schedule and I dont actively exercise outside of my one physical fitness course which isn't much. Next.  

Spiritual: God, you there?

This isnt the time of my strongest faith, I dont pray everyday but pretty close but i do sometimes wonder if anyone hears me...I believe my life wont always be so tragic and difficult, theres no signs of it changing anytime soon but something is giving me hope and faith to keep pushing that things will get better and it’ll all be worth it, i guess thats god. It doesnt feel like much but its enough to keep me from considering not being alive so...thank god lol 😅. Next.

Social:

I love my friends, I hate myself, I dont really see my friends as much as I should Im really fighting to just exist at this point I dont feel like im the most fun to be around anymore but hopefully they’ll be understanding to my isolation and forgive me until I pull myself together. I dont see myself making anymore friends than the few I already have. Next. 

Mental: 

Depression(PTSD). Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety(PTSD). Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair(PTSD). Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority(PTSD). Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression(PTSD). Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety(PTSD). Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair(PTSD). Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority(PTSD). Tiny glimpse of contentment. 

Issa cycle 😒 Next.

Emotional: (here comes the heavy stuff)

*deep inhale* Gender. well maybe i should say gender identity. It all feels so strange. I dont feel like anything, I dont feel any ties to being a “male” or “female” I feel like a person. I feel that Ive been going along with looks and expectations that society placed on me because I didnt feel there was really another option. Im comfortable with the clothes i own, most of them being feminine but im not big on super tight clothes, I kinda want to escape the possibility of being sexualized as much as possible. (it could be a trauma thing). Im going by They/them pronouns by those closest to me that are nonfamily members. It feels okay, I dont wanna make a big deal out of it I dont think I should Im the same person i've always been just no longer trying to meet “womanly” expectations, no more push up bras or underwire *amen!*  But I do think about being a cis woman, I think how much easier it would be to not have to define my identity myself and to just already have a rulebook to follow, as oppressing as it may be, which may connect to my next topic...

Eating disorders...so when I think of my body, I don't think of who I am or how I look now and how it could be okay as is, I only think of how I could look and the the easiest look I can perfect, which for me personally would be a something along the lines of a conventionally attractive woman, I think for me to do that I’d need to lose weight...(because of my anxiety i like to know what to do next to get the best/least problematic results) in times of stress or when i feel completely lost and directionless, even purposeless at times. I always go back to losing weight because to be like that woman I imagine I could be that would just be the next step for me to continue to fit the status quo of what society wants and then I feel like even if everything else is going badly at least im making progress in one area of my life and with that I can let out a sigh of relief. 

Last but definitely not least, drum roll please... *smol snare in background* Im in love! Its really the best. I don't know if i should @ him or not...but hes really just been the best most supportive and understanding boyfriend I would never even have the audacity to ask for. I really love him and I have to say things are looking really good for us. Hes trans, my mother is transphobic so thats a real stressor at times but whenever i spend time with him I just really remember that he's so worth her nonsense because if she ever takes the time to get to know him shed see he's just the type of person she’d want me to be with. No one is perfect, not him, not me, and definitely not my mother but we all deserve healthy love and relationships and i really get that from him which is “v fulfilling” and I hope I get to spend many more years with him. Also he puts up with EVERY aspect of me which isn't easy, he listens to me whine and complain and holds me when I cry and laughs with/at me laughing at my own jokes and does my laundry when I leave clothes with him and he lets me sleep late on the weekends and understands my need for mental health days. What a lovely boy 😊. Next

Environmental: 

Im actually tired of writing but this should be simple. THE EARTH HAS HAD ENOUGH! I do what i can to take care of the spaces I occupy but I believe there will be another mass extinction and hopefully i'm not around to see it. The end.

Fun Fact: 

Trauma trauma, trauma in the air trauma, trauma trauma I feel it everywhere. 

[comicteaparty]

March 11th-March 17th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from March 11th, 2019 to March 17th, 2019.  The chat focused on Raison d'Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Raison d’Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)~! (http://raisondetrecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until March 17th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you believe are the nature and origin of Sachiko’s secret powers that make her Kregor’s target? What, if anything, might they have to do with Allie? What about the powers has supposedly killed Sachiko’s ancestors?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Yo! Funari here and I will make the time to check on messages this week when I can! Leigh and I will joint-answer through my name. I'll make sure to note when Leigh is answering :3 (ex. Leigh currently says "hello ") We can't wait to hear your thoughts!(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Why do you think Yukina was so insistent on going to France after Sachiko and Koyomiko disappeared? In what ways has she or her life changed that might help or hurt her future goals? What is up with her new memory powers?

RebelVampire

1) im gonna name two cause i can and nobody can stop me. the first more serious one is the scene where kregor shows up for rie and then the fight rolls out. ive really come to appreciate how the event is laid out since things go from great to bad to whoops life changing catastrophe. its made especially sad just cause rie and sachiko were so close to kind of resolved their spat but whoops, no resolution for anybody. it was just a great scene that really upped the stakes and kind of changed the course of the path in a was that was refreshing and unexpected. the second scene im gonna pick is that small like 2 page scene where kregor is sick and elianne told him to rest. Like...legit did not expect that. As far as their relationship has been shown, it seemed angry and more boss/employee. But apparently Elianne cares a little bit about Kregor and i just love that. 3) right now its koneko. Cause Koneko's motivations and origin is a mystery i want to see delved into now. Koneko seems to be pulling lots of strings in the bg and this has really got me intrigued. And selfishly i just basically love a good mystery character who is definitely immensely more than they appear.(edited)

RebelVampire

2) So umm, going with Occam's razor on this theory. It seems most likely some ancestor of Sachiko got down with an umbrian probably. Some umbrian who was probably related to Elianne. Or maybe even Elianne cause who am i to judge how old Elianne is. I 100% think Allie is the manifestation of the powers and they're just all kind of shadow related. I just assume the ancestors were killed because theyre not the sort of powers the human body is supposed to be able to handle. 4) Honestly, I don't have good theories about the france choice. Although I do think that it might have been emotionally driven. Like people who suffer really horrific events usually don't want to be in places that remind them of it. So it makes sense Yukina would just want to gtfo of there. And France is at least semi familiar and has Cassandra. I think in terms of life change, I think shes just mostly matured more. So in essence is more fit to handle some of the emotional complications of what she needs to do. As for the memory powers, well, she is biologically Sachiko's daughter or so has been confirmed. And if Sachiko has weird powers that get her hunted, it stands to reason Yukina probably inherited something too. Something that might be muddling her normal Ascendant powers perhaps. But I definitely think she'll find a way to use it to help Sachiko and Koyomiko.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Koneko is a beloved character for sure. He is cute, he is cuddly (great for comfort!) He is...also apparently kinda good for saving lives!

And I had to look up what Occam's Razor was oop. But that's what Google is for! It IS a rather interesting take. We like to mix simple reasons within some complex ones to keep folks guessing. Is this one of the simple ones? We'll have to wait and see how it unfolds Though the "Elianne is litterally related to Sachiko" theory is one of the more popular ones even within the C14 server so you're not alone there!

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

One thing we can confirm, though, is that, yes...Yuki moved to France to get away from the bad reminders, the bad memories. Sadly it was just too much after the incident happened...The move wasn't an instant cure, either, but over time, it helped. She did meet a new girlfriend there!

snuffysam

One thing I'm curious about is when Allie first started appearing, how Sachiko reacted to her new powers, and so on. We haven't seen the shadow powers in any of the journal flashbacks in Part One, and we know Yukina's memory powers didn't start manifesting until recently, so maybe there's a connection there.

Alternatively, maybe Kregor REALLY goofed up that torture prison spell he used on Sachiko that one time and accidentally gave her some of Elianne's power.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Special 5 is a pretty fun read regarding that :3

http://www.raisondetrecomic.com/uastitle.html (for those that have read at least up to Ch 5, otherwise it's spoilers~)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

The question hasn't been fully answered, but hints have happened for a bit, kinda leading to Part 2 (which will finally explain it...over time, heh)(edited)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

A lot of the stuff since Chapter 5 has been with the help of Leigh. She's a really good writer that can put all these ideas together well while still keeping some things secret until "the time is right". I had a direction I wanted to go with this, but tended to get too wordy or expositiony at times. She helped reel that back a bit and organize it.

She's also good at working with what she's given even if it's not a lot, and boy, did I give her a hodge-podge of stuff from Part 1 lol But it's coming along nicely, I think~

She said she loves that @RebelVampire was surprised and enjoyed the sick!Kregor-Elianne interaction from Ch 6

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

If you guys don't mind, we would like to add our personal answers to Question #1~ For Leigh, it's a tie between two scenes in particular. One is Elianne's "I CAN'T LEAVE THIS PLACE!" scene in Chapter 6, especially the cats in the background as it's happening... and Nozomi's spectacular toss of Miko in Chapter 4 ("GET OUT")...especially when you consider how small Nozomi is (she's almost 5 feet tall exactly) As for me...it's kinda hard to pinpoint just one or two xD But I think I kinda like Special 3 in general. Especially for this page alone

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you believe that Yukina will be able to save Sachiko and Koyomiko? How might the lessons from the journals help Yukina in this endeavor? Do you think she still has more insight to gleam from them?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Journal lessons, huh? > :D (SFW, just a little silly; a recent question answered)

AV-chan

Here's some of my inputs but I'll have to answer what I can still remember. In regards to Yuki's powers, I sense that it's either an evolved form of Sachiko's powers or branch type since Yuki does need to touch someone to activate it. Who knows what surprises we'll see I think I mentioned a fav scene before but I'll input another recent one that I liked... It's the specials where Miko was training to get buff again and Nozomi taunts her until she goes all out

That answer is really funny and cute @Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oh yes. GET IN SHAPE!! (We hope to get the final part out soon but it has a good pause point atm!)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

We're really enjoying the Yuki's powers theories by the way!

snuffysam

6) You know, I'm not sure Yukina will be the one to save Sachiko and Koyomiko. The animal buddies seem to be doing a decent job already, and I'm not sure they'll recruit some kid to help them. Though she could use her powers to restore their memories once they're rescued?

RebelVampire

that just makes me picture yukina slamming the door dramatically saying "I'm here to save you." and then everyone and the cats are just having tea saying nah we good.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Lmao

That's a pretty hilarious image xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Aaand...a picture happened.

RebelVampire

omg thats great XDXDXDXD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Thank you

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Who exactly is Koyomiko’s pet cat and why did Elianne call him a renegade? Who is his white haired companion helping him? Why are they helping? How is Elianne a key to Shiva’s vengeance?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: CAT QUESTION! :D

RebelVampire

5) definitely this one from the climax before the time skip. http://raisondetrecomic.com/chfivep40.html I love the use of the silhouette cause it really contrasts well with the yellow. i also like the angle is from over kregor's shoulder so it kind of makes the sort of distance view that really forces you to be in awe of this immensely show of power. 6) I'm kind of in the same thinking as @snuffysam in that Yukina will help restore their memories while the cat folk do the heavy lifting. Cause they really have done the hard part of getting them away from Elianne, cause now Elianne's only retaliation is to send Kregor. and well...Kregor has the cant even do one job disease it seems since he only even got sachiko and koyomiko by complete accident. XD I do think the journals might help though. Maybe it'll be like the Butterfly Effect or Life is Strange where she accesses memories by reading them.

RebelVampire

7) Probably Nozomi and Koyomiko, even though its been a while since then. On the whole Nozomi interests me as a character cause she seems to have changed the most significantly from when she was a kid to when shes an adult. And its really interesting to see the effects that those around her have had on her and how those relationships have changed. 8) I feel like Koneko is like some guardian who broke with society to stand against Elianne specifically. Or that he was somehow related to the people who originally imprisoned Elianne. Which if it's that latter one, I assume the other companion not Shiva is part of the same group. Shiva maybe too in a way, but I feel Shiva is trying to strike at an old acquantaince of Elianne's, cause maybe Elianne's past deeds were bigger than just her. Like she fell in with the wrong crowd or something. But to summarize, I think theyre like some fringe group about protecting people from people like Elianne who are less touchable maybe. As for why helping, I think Koneko is actually just pretty selfish and wants to save Koyomiko no matter the cost.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: (re: question 8 with @RebelVampire ) that was the point with Nozomi actually! Glad to see the comment on her. She is definitely a complex character and will be shown more in upcoming parts

Nozomi has a lot of concept sketches plotted out and has been a big focus behind the scenes, heh~

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

And, while we can't spoil, we can confirm that the light-haired companion to Koneko is the Celestial version of what Koneko is (which has been mentioned as being some sort of Umbrian)

Very similar characteristics, yet they both have some tiny variations~

Which DOES make one wonder....if the butter-cat can shift into a human form, does that mean Koneko has one, too?

RebelVampire

yes O_O

there is not a doubt in my mind he can

well could

cause i believe its either he wont or he cant anymore

i am just waiting for the day its real and then you flood the world with all the human pics O_O

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hehehheheh

RebelVampire

actually tbf creators do a lot of what if pics so even if its not real there may be human pics someday

so you know what

my win regardless

XD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: It helps that you know he's going to be a handsome devil :p

RebelVampire

its true XD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: I mean, come on, look at him:

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What did Elianne do in the past that got her trapped and considered unwelcome in Umbria? What do you think she intends to do if she gets free? What’s in it for Kregor?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oooh, the art questions are the most curious

RebelVampire

9) One detail I think deserves attention story wise is Koyomiko's changing use accent. I find it vastly interesting that she has it as a kid/teen, doesn't have it as an adult, and then suddenly has it again post memory loss. It's a real curiosity and makes you wonder if the loss of accent is actually a conscious effort on her part everything. But also I just enjoy the consistency in that since doing consistent changes in accent in this manner can be an easy thing to forget. Art wise, I love the details in Rie's design that always seem reminiscent of a fox. Like the pointy tooth or pointy ears. Like even her hairstyle somehow invokes that feeling of fox, and I love that. 10) I feel like Elianne was just power hungry and delved into forbidden stuff. Like not world take over domination. But more just was like didn't draw any lines of ethics and wanted power for the sake of power? Mostly this theory stems from she doesnt strike me as a world domination type. Since so far her goal consists of "id just like out of this cave plz and thank you." I think the first thing she'll do when she gets free is go to starbucks so she can savor ordering her own coffee. And then ya know, plot revenge against those who imprisoned her or get her powers back if she gets free sans powers. As for Kregor, IDK man. Maybe he just likes money or maybe he deserves employee of the year award for being the most loyal employee ever.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

The little details: Miko's speech patterns

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Sachiko's head movements as an adult (phone doesn't have spoiler tags) is another thing we made sure to note

€heshire777

You can do spoiler tags on mobile, just put || on both sides of it.

like so

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Well just in case it doesn't work (have had update issues before), I managed to be vague anyway lol

RebelVampire

truly a beacon of inspiration to minions everywhere XD

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. How might Koyomiko and Elianne’s powers being opposite be significant to the story? Do you believe this gives Yukina an advantage in some way since she’s also an Ascendant?

Menchi

Finally found my way here, but I'll start by answering the two newest questions: 11. Frankly the strength of the comic so far has been continuing a story that feels unique compared to anything I have read before, juggling the feel of a slice of life story while building up to a big adventure. Also I'd like to throw in how surprising it was for plot to progress, the signs there for the story to go further but the bait and switch about how the story would progress was certainly amusing. :)

as for 12: I had not given it that much thought before now, perhaps in a "Only I can defeat you kind of way", though from the story so far that might be too obvious. ^^ but i could see Yukina being very effective at least in nulifying and protecting others from Elianne's abilities.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

@Menchi - Leigh is to the one to compliment with that. She has done an amazing job with the storytelling and coherency. Inks have gotten much better thanks to her too!

Menchi

heh, you been a good team together ^^

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Thanks. Means a lot. I had these ideas for a long time but she helped put it all nice and coherent~

Also the theories about Yuki (all of them)give us life

Menchi

Then begin the Yuki is the true bad guy theories xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Ohhhhnoooo

Menchi

Yuki goes pure evil, Rie has to bring her back from the bring, cue feel good story of the year xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

YuRi shipper ;p

Menchi

i admit it :p

Menchi

1. Now thats a tricksy one, but I would say my favorite storyline is at the start of chapter 3, when (without spoiling too much in case people drop in) the certain parts of the story start to cross together much more, and their involvement together became much more apparent. That it wasn't just a story that was looking into the past.

2. I am still holding to the belief that her father is some kind of Umbrian, or perhaps something else altogether... that or her father played with forces he cannot comprehend. :P For the other parts of this question I am unsure, but I am very curious to see where they go with these plot threads.

snuffysam

we do know at least one dad that lied about being an umbrian

could very well be two

i think the most unique aspect of the comic is its story structure. the first part is technically told entirely from yuki's perspective, but she's finding out about the past through others' recollections. and they're also potentially unreliable narrators, as seen through the chapter where koyomiko and nozomi argue with each other over the story of their meeting. it really gets into those themes of memory that I hope will be explored further in part 2

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oh, Kazuo....He was definitely in some huge trouble...

I mean, can you imagine how that first secret came out based on what Nozomi said in that Interlude?

snuffysam

was caught sniffing a dog in the park

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Kazuo: Oh, I love you Nozomi Nozomi: I love you, too. Let's get married. Kazuo: Okay! (few months later) Nozomi: Oh, Kazuo, I'm pregnant! Kazuo: Oh....Um, I guess it's about time I told you that I'm actually a kitsune. Nozomi: WAT

snuffysam

AND HE DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THAT HE WAS ROYALTY OR THAT HIS FIRSTBORN WOULD BE TAKEN AWAY AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL

he's in the doghouse for sure

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hoooooo boy

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Also a minor correction: Rie is the second kid Understandable to think it was 'firstborn' since that's how the trope usually goes but Hiroki is safe xD

snuffysam

ah yes that's true

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Nozomi had Rie knowing full well at that point that her kids were going to be halflings but then THAT happened and he kept it a secret when he really shouldn't have!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What other changes do you believe the time skip has brought? In particular, what do you think has happened to Rie in regards to her decision about the NKP and her destiny to be her clan’s Inari?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's strength is its use of personal perspectives. Like whether its Yukina, Miko, Sachiko, or any other character, the comic does a really excellent job of switching to different perspectives at the right time to continue the story in emotionally compelling ways. It also makes the perspective changes worthwhile since each one youre always learning about each character on a more personal and intimate level that really helps connect you to them as the story ramps up. 12) I think it's gonna help when push comes to show since at the very least, yukina and koyomiko can probably defend themselves better against elianne compared to others. but other than that, im not seeing it have a big effect other than saving everyone's neck at the right time. 13) right now im just looking forward to seeing rie again and see what time skip rie looks like. and im just curious how everything worked out for her. also, human koneko. 14) I have an honest belief that Rie wants to stay in the NKP, but that shes struggling to get out of family obligations at the moment. And that she might have found a way, but it is tedious and drawn out. as for other changes in general, i feel like the NKP in general might have changed their policies a bit or something. at the very least, i hope they had a super big poster of Kregor that says "NKP's most wanted." which kregor brought to elianne to express his popularity.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Ascendants are an interesting bunch. We're slowly learning more about them in the recent pages. At least, via quick comparison-like comments between folks involving Cassandra and Yuki's dad vs. Yuki and Miko(edited)

As for Rie, well, she's been shown in her adult form in recent updates ;3

snuffysam

i feel like rie wants to stay in the nkp, but that goal may waver slightly after sitting through all of tomoko's lectures...

i think there might be a strained relation between the nkp and umbria going forward. because, like, kregor was caught and sent to the umbrian courts, right? and yet, he was able to get out and snatch miko & sachiko. so the policy of "let umbrians deal with umbrian criminals" has some holes in it.

at least from nkp's point of view

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hmm hhmmm

The lessons are important...but they sure are funny. Poor Rie xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

You know who is someone we want to show their reaction to what has happened since chapter 5? Rin. The founder of the Favreau-Tokyo Clanhouse, Sachiko's mom, Yuki's grandmother. She will appear soon once we're done with the hiatus but one wonders how she took it

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Well, it's past midnight where I'm at and I figure the chat has quieted for the week, so with that, I'm gonna at least post this little thank-you doodle to those who stopped by this week before I forget. Thank you very much for the interesting questions and commentary!

snuffysam

thank you for being here and participating in the chat! it's always cool to see a creator at the tea party!

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

I try to whenever I can. I liked the week-long style better because I didn't have to make sure to take time off like I had to for the Thursday one xD This one I could jump in whenever I was available despite work in the way.

And Leigh was also here, at least in spirit. I just relayed her all the comments as they happened :3 She "answered" a few times, but for the most part, our reactions were too similar this time around to really do the separate comments

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Raison d’Etre this week! Please also give a special thank you to Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh) for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Raison d’Etre, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://raisondetrecomic.com/

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Funakounasoul#_=_

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A473RGN

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/c14comics

[zouanor]

13

Charlotte and I left Leeds on December 2nd.

It gave me a week to make a mess out of my apartment to figure out what I was packing. It gave me time to figure out which neighbor was going to pick up my mail. It also gave me enough time to clean out my fridge and get rid of anything that could get moldy.

It was planned that Niall was also staying in Sheffield to finish up some school stuff before the winter break. I made him promise that if he needed me, only if it was an emergency, to text me… other wise he could just watch my instagram or anything else i post stuff too.

I didn’t know how Charlotte managed to make sure I didn’t get scheduled to work until the 12th. I mean, I knew I had some days off in between, but for my sister to make sure I wasn’t working then? Amazing.

When I got home from Edinburgh with Niall, two days later Charlotte had came over and we talked it out. She apologized, saying that everything around my birthday was stressing her out. And while I didn’t want to fully believe that, I did.

Trust me, it still bothered me.

For the first few days in Spain we decided first to go into Barcelona. Our main goal was Madrid, but since Charlotte planned us a week and a half, we decided to add Barcelona.

I don’t regret that decision one bit.

Somehow Charlotte had put up with me going to different art museums as long as I went shopping with her. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Not to even mention the beaches, oh my god the beaches were beautiful.

If I could live on the beaches of Barcelona, I would.

Except for the people who decided to go nude, that was a no. I mean, I was comfortable in my own body and I was glad that they were too, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle people seeing me naked in such a way and in such a public place.

In general, it meant that from December 3rd to December 7th, we stayed in Barcelona. From the 8th until the 11th, we were heading to Madrid.

“Rosie, this is amazing… Thank you for choosing Madrid.” Charlotte sighed dreamily. We were finishing up our last day in Barcelona, touring the Mountain of Montserrat and little small towns.

“Char, we’re still in Barcelona for the night… we don’t head to Madrid until tomorrow, remember?” I giggled a bit.

We linked our arms together so neither of us would get lost. Thankfully it was also useful to help each of us push the other to walk the steep hill incline.

“Rosie, I was wondering if tonight you could braid my hair? I need to tame the fro before I get stuck in something.”

“Box braids or?”

“Plain braids will be fine.”

Montserrat is beautiful. Between the architecture and structure to the mountains surrounding it, I didn’t know where to look. And the view, god the view from up here of all Barcelona just made me wish I would never leave Barcelona, let alone Spain.

I was going to make sure I came back to Barcelona more often, when I had the time.

We stayed around here for a few more hours until heading back onto the main ground and finding dinner.

Later we went back to our hotel room for the night, getting into our pajamas and finding movies on the TV that had English translations for us.

It was full on sleepover, the two of us doing each others hair and eating whatever snacks we had left over until we go shopping more.

“Have you actually got anything planned when we’re in Madrid? Or are we just winging it?”

“Winging it Rosie, I told you I’d get you here, but not what we’re doing. All I know is that on your actual birthday, we’re going drinking.”

“A full night yeah?”

“Find someone for the night -”

“You trying to call us a fit bird for men?” I shrieked.

That was not what I wanted.

“No! If you’d let me finish, I said find someone for the night to be our best friend! I don’t want to be someone’s  - no Rosie.” Charlotte sighed.

After that serious little moment, both of us had started laughing at the thought. I didn’t mean it to be like that, but how she started off her sentence made me feel that way.

Both of us went to bed maybe fifteen minutes later, snuggling under the sheets. I didn’t know how much sleep I would get considering I was practically ready for Madrid.

~~~

While I was excited for Madrid, I was dreading it.

Charlotte and I decided that we wouldn’t have a rental car because of the gas money and just stopping constantly. While that would’ve been easier, we chose against it.

Instead, we took the train. We found out that the train would be faster than driving six hours in a car, so either way, we were lucky.

For those two and a half hours, Charlotte and I mainly slept. Of course at every stop in between we were awake by the bustling of people coming on or off.

I found myself staying awake after the third try of trying to sleep. While Charlotte was able to sleep again, I managed to find scrap pieces of paper, only to crumble it into little paper balls and throw them at her.

When Charlotte woke up however, she found a huge pile of paper balls surrounding her. At first she was confused, but once she saw me trying not to laugh, she glared. Whatever paper balls she could reach, she threw back at me.

Reaching Madrid, we grabbed our bags and left the train. We had to first go into our hotel and check in. What I wanted to do was just rest up completely in a hotel room from the train ride, but I didn’t know what Charlotte wanted to do.

Charlotte wanted to do a mini tour of the city instead of relaxing.

Go figure.

“We should plan another sibling trip.. Obviously the two of us but also add Liam and Louis. Because all of us are siblings and we deserve a trip.” Charlotte said randomly.

“That sounds nice. I’m sure Liam would agree. Where do you think we’d go off too?”

We linked our arms together to walk around the busy streets. We didn’t need to get lost on our first day.

“Do you think Athens would be cool? What about Brussels? Maybe Thailand or Singapore? What about South Africa?”

“Charlotte we cannot be around the world in eighty days. But, I like the idea of Thailand though. It seems different than what we normally do. We’ve just gotta save more money because most of it has gone to Belize you know?”

Charlotte flinched a bit. She shrugged it off quickly hoping that I wouldn’t have noticed.

I did.

“Anyways, I think maybe March would be interesting? Only because, like you said, we have Belize after the wedding until June something.”

“Charlotte, March? That’s not giving me enough time to save more money than I have for a trip! Why not make it for Liam’s Birthday?”

“Fair point, Rosie.”

“But I like the idea, Charlotte. Maybe Liam could give out his own ideas on where he’d like to go? Only because if we said Thailand and he wouldn’t go, then that isn’t fair for him. We’d all have to agree basically.”

“Fine, Rosie. I get it now. C’mon, I read online that somewhere they have this good ice cream parlor.”

~~~

December 9th was the day we actually toured the city much more in depth than yesterday.

The two of us found a vendor on the streets of Madrid that was near Plaza De Espana and decided to sit down and snack there. The fountain itself was spectacular with how beautiful it was. And with everyone freely walking up to the statues like it wasn’t a big deal, that amazed me.

There was another fountain behind the one we sat at, but this was calmer and more along the lines of comfortable seating.

“So, hows that invisible boy of yours.” Charlotte asked randomly, her eyebrow raising.

“You mean the one thats actually real? He’s good. He’s finishing up some school stuff.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“I still can’t believe you haven’t brought him around to us.”

“Because I know you lot.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. S’not like he’s your boyfriend or anything.”

“No, Lots, he’s my best friend. You guys will get to see him soon, anyways.”

“Right, on instagram only?”

“No. He’s my date at the wedding, so ha!” I sounded like a four-year-old. Great.

“Well, did he even tell you happy birthday?”

“We’ve already celebrated my birthday before you and I left. We went to Edinburgh on the spur of the moment.”

I made a face once I heard Charlotte gasp.

“You went to Edinburgh?”

“Of course I did! It was a nice evening and nothing of the sort that I need to explain to you.”

“But just tell me the restaurant is still there?”

“It’s still there Charlotte.”

Charlotte dropped the subject after a few minutes of silence. We threw away our mess and headed off touring, crossing onto Puente De Segovia. We stopped on the bridge though, looking at the platform in the middle of the river.

Throughout the day we stopped at different places. And of course, us being two people who’ve never been here, we took a lot of silly photos. So yes, we were targeted at typical tourists.

We heard of this little spot named Plaza De San Ildefonso that comes to live at night, with music and art and different foods. Charlotte and I didn’t even need to say anything to know thats what we both wanted to do.

That was the place to be to not show off that you were a tourist.

The restaurant we decided to eat at was crowded, but thankful to find us a place to sit. We both ordered drinks and while we waited and ate, we watched the crowd of people just have fun.

“Do you think they’d know that we can’t dance if we joined them?”

“I’m sure they’d help us out.”

We finished eating, but stayed for another drink and some dessert. The two of us just talked about stuff again, just random things about what was going on when we get home.

Charlotte had some things to do with Cissy or they were off to go somewhere. I didnt pay attention, I was over Cissy at the moment. Not that was said in a mean way, I just couldn’t handle Cissy at the time being.

Myself on the other hand, it was back to work to make up of lost time since being here. I was sure I had to work on Christmas, so I had to mentally prepare myself for that.

But also, I had to reunite with my friends.This was being such a fun week that even though I was having the time of my life, I really missed them the most.

I hoped that since i’ve been gone, Alexa was keeping Niall in check of his homework and his senior thesis, along with keeping up with hers. So far they hadn’t had to call me, so that’s a good thing.

Maybe I’ll make a small phone call to them later… Wait, to Alexa since she’d be the most responsible one at the time being.

“Rosie, c’mon let’s go find someone to help us dance!”

“I hope they’re prepared for your two left feet.” I laughed.

Charlotte took my hand as she pulled me through the crowd. We reached outside and it was time for Charlotte to bring out her charm, trying to find someone help the poor girl out.

Also I was thankful she didn’t hear my comment.

We stopped at the grass line and both of us took in the scene. This whole view just made me wish Leeds would do something like this.

Charlotte took a leap of faith, deciding to leave me in my spot to go dance. Without a doubt, she had found someone to help her out and show her the way. I wasn’t surprised, Charlotte had that look and aura to do something like that.

Being a good sister, I managed to get some pictures of her from where I was at with her laughing and just dancing.

I found a seat somewhere where I can keep an eye on Charlotte. Not that I didn’t trust these people, but i’ve watched my fair share of Taken and those other shows.

Call me crazy for it, but I’m keeping my eye on her.

It wasn’t too long before I saw someone coming my way. I had to pretend not to notice until the guy was standing in front of me, a soft smile on his face that I knew was sincere.

“The girl in the braids said you’d like to dance. Would you like too?”

“She did, did she?” I beamed, causing the guy to laugh.

“It’s better than sitting here. I promise no harm or anything.” He did this thing that reminded me of a ‘scouts honor’.

So, I got up with the guy. It was all for fun while being here. That’s all that mattered.

Just for one night, we had the time of our lives and this was a memory I wouldn’t forget.

~~~

My birthday.

I was 24 years old today.

Charlotte woke me up by jumping on me.

I also woke up to some text messages, even though I told everyone not to message me because I wouldn’t know when I’d get to them.

But alas, no one listened.

“So today for your birthday we’re just going to have a spa day and order room service and maybe find a club tonight. But definitely a spa day. I already looked downstairs and the hotel offers a spa treatment.”

Charlotte was rambling on and on to the point where I shook my head to wake myself up more a little bit.

“Charlotte, let me get up please. My mind can’t process this at the minute.”

Charlotte rolled off of me, sitting on my bed as I sat up and stretched. I gathered my thoughts and comprehended everything around me, I was able to look at Charlotte with a look on my face that said ‘okay’.

“Spa day and room service. Anything else I’m getting today?” I asked, flattening the blanket in front of me.

“Not sure yet, maybe going to a club? Maybe find a beach? Whatever you want to do honestly.” Charlotte shrugged.

“How about spa day and we just hang about here? I really need just a relaxation day before we head home tomorrow.”

“Deal.”

“But first, I need to shower.”

I shoved Charlotte off of the bed so that I could get up. After hearing a thud and her glaring at me I started laughing. It was little times like this that reminded me of when we were younger, of just the two of us (mainly me) laughing at each other.

I was in and out of the shower in less than fifteen minutes. Since it was going to be a lazy day at the hotel room, I grabbed another set of pajamas and put those on. I over-packed so I was thankful for having more clothes than needed.

Charlotte was already snuggled up into my bed waiting for me to join her. At the current moment, it just seemed like she already turned the TV on and waiting for me to find something on.

“I called room service for breakfast. I got you waffles with strawberries? Is that okay? I got tea also because I don’t know what else there is and I know youre not a huge fan of orange juice.”

“Charlotte, it’s fine. Tea and waffles are fine with me. Thank you.”

No sooner had I told her it was fine, breakfast came for us.

Let me tell you, it was delicious.

I tried to eat as slow as I could to savor every last bit of my breakfast, but I couldn’t when it was so good.

The rest of the morning was spent with the two of us watching TV and questioning every bit of it,  at one point even muting it and making our own dialogue to make it more interesting.

My mum would be proud of us just being silly and getting long and that we were talking.

By the early afternoon, we were still in our pajamas, only this time we were hustling around. Charlotte was up my ass trying to get me prepared to head downstairs and towards the spa.

She was actually pushing me too.

But in fairness, I was glad I was getting this spa thing. After all of the shit i’ve been going though so far, I really deserved it. I mean, dealing with secrets from everyone about being a girlfriend to not even knowing how I felt about him to everything that apparently was fine with my dad. I just really needed this.

And let me tell you, once she put the first face mask on I knew the rest of today was going to be a good day.

~~~

Later that night we ordered up some ice cream with syrup and caramel sauce and anything else that could skyrocket my sugar and get me going hyper.

It was nearing ten PM around this time, so we knew we had to shut up, but we couldn’t stop laughing.

I was laughing too hard from the sugar with the combination of something Charlotte was trying to show me. I had to roll off my bed just to make it to the bathroom before I peed my pants. And I did not need Charlotte or anyone else knowing that I did that if it were to happen (and thankfully it didnt might I add).

I made it to the bathroom and I could hear Charlotte tripping around and the sound of a phone going off. I didn’t want to make more noise than I was with flushing and the water running even after I washed my hands. But there was a lot of muffling around that I could hear.

I couldn’t hear all of it, but I could hear Charlotte let out a little sigh and maybe a little cry? I couldn’t tell if it was a cry or laugh in the first place.

I stayed put, listening to whatever I could if Charlotte even spoke again. But when I didn’t hear her say anything else and dead silent, I backed away from the door, finished what I had already done and made my appearance again.

I pretended not to notice the sad look on her face as I walked around the bed before getting into my bed. This was the last night we were here in Madrid and instead of it being so glamorous it seemed by just that phone call it had simmered down into hell.

Charlotte quickly got into bed and didn’t turn to look at me. She didn’t even mutter a goodnight.

Within a phone call our amazing time had changed into awkward sadness and I didn’t like it at all.